Christmas was really a boring one this year, so it was a sad one too, but hey no worries coz the new year is coming. I don't know whether i should do this but lately i have decided to leave Singapore for good. Still thinking about it, but at least for the next 2 years i will be away and leaving everything i cherish most behind for the time being. I'm not asking more from those who know me, but just remember me, coz i will come back soon. " Each one of us come and go, passing thru' each other's life, passing thru' the ups and downs, but memories are important so hold on."

over the weekend ...from the 18th Thursday December 2003...to the 21st Friday December 2003...hehe went down to KL...pretty much went there to meet up with my 'brother' lun...haha and of course got the rest like wai yee, hunnie, fei chew, zyan, yan chyuan, puifong, meili, yeat yee and kian meng...haha thats alot of pple...but really glad to have met up with them and chit chat...its been awhile since i enjoyed myself to the fullest just eating n drinking real hard...hehe but i guess i do need the break in my life...break from all that has kept my heart so restless.

okok i already got my airtickets and money all set to head down to KL and meet my frenz there, wonder how are all of you all really? must be getting along fine i guess....yippee!!!

DAMN IT!!!!!!! My laptop went KAPUT!!!! the hard disk apparently made alot of weird noises and when dead...nothing i can do now...but to sent it for repairs at ACER....alot of stuff are gone...but luckily i already extracted out all my important data earlier on when i first arrived home...so not so bad...BUT STILL.....

In a blink of an eye, the weekend is here already. My restless soul is calling out for something big to happen in my life. Hmmm lately have been thinking about the times i had in my university life. its been a long hard road for me and there is more to come. rather i feel i have lost my faith, generosity and kindness, it feels so empty inside my heart. i feel that RICHMOND is lost already. he does not know how to move forward and breathe again... rather sickening feeling. the colours of life is gone. the heart has stopped at its tracks.

another day has passed, another day winning some money in soccer betting again...haha think have to treat my buddies in m'sia drinks liao....haha and zyan no big treat for you...haha u demand too much wan....haha just kiddin

another week has passed. another part of my life is gone. staring out the window gazing towards the sky, memories flashed passed. the dripping sound of rain, the roaring thunder and lightning strikes splits open the sky. life can flip 180, life goes on, i have been thinking way too much. its time to stop! take a break and move at a slower pace... its work, study, family, friends....all these time...there have been no moment where i can truly let loose and think for myself and breathe in peace.
-----------------
tried my hand on betting soccer recently...haha the small gambling spirit has not died...ooops won 2 out of 2 so far....haha so the weeks expenditure is all cover up and paid for....haha maybe even to a trip down to KL is possible with that money....haha
-----------------
boring boring boring.... thats how i feel so far....life is a lot less spicer than it used to, alot less troublesome than it used to, alot less happier than it used to, alot less sad than it used to. why? something missing in my life? don't know how to snap out of it...

since the last time i blog, alot of things have happened....nothing has been going smoothly for me...alot of things to overcome, alot of obstacles to clear. life have never been more painful. pushing myself til my limit currently...dunno whether i really can push it over...mentally, physically and emotionally all at my limit already...time pass so quickly yet slowly...how contradicting how ironic....i'm at wits end...heads over heels....crying out for strength and hope yet i'm only getting harsher punishments...really wonder why some people can fall in love and get over it as quickly??? never actually thought about that till recently. my views on life is getting more and more pessimistic...yet i have optimism to push for change i dun want to give in i dun want to give up on my beliefs. for all those who actually reads my blog here's a word of advice and something i learnt "dun treat love without respect and sincerity always be true to it, if not dun ever get into it coz u r goin to end up hurting the other person." i learnt that the hard way and truely regret that i didnt do what is needed to be done. sometimes only when we fall then we know how vulnerable we are. "I still breathe, I still eat and the sun it shines the same as it did yesterday but there's no warmth, no light, I feel empty inside."everything in front of me is hazy and crazy, i just can't find my way out of this maze, everything is in a swirl, the mind is spinning. I dunno how much longer i can brave this world alone. how much more i can take. time will tell but time will not heal the scars and seal the broken pieces of my already shattered heart. life goes on
but only so as i live but don't exist.

"Memories are hard to make
and to forget. One last day,
one last look before I leave
it all behind, to play the role
that was meant for us. The
biggest regret I have is to
lose the person I loved most
and the person I will still
continue to love. All my memories
are deep in my heart and it
hurts so much because there's
so much love in it. "

...already back for 1 n half weeks... nothing much i did...hanging out with my family and close friends. morale, confidence and health are at a all time low...... lost my job attachment due to certain reasons....now dunno wat to do.....read the tagboard recently too...thanx guys for encouraging me to move on...but really certain things just cannot change...i believe in somethings....the world may change, time may have passed but somethings are so cherished it does not just simply 'deletes' and go away...its been 3 months and counting...'she' may have moved on but i'm still feel exactly the same...when i go out to places in the city, the towns...every concrete, every corner of the street just calls out her name...so much memories...i see her on the streets ..every night i dream of 'her'...i have not been the praying kind but lately i have been down on my knees...all i can do now is to immerse myself in music....but what can it do?? all i know i never want to give up hope and faith...one day hopefully one fine day 'she' will understand ...i only want to be with her...no one will take that away...3 months now...3 years later... 30 years...300 years??? all i know is i hope 'she' comes back to my life...i refuse to give up...i refuse to give in...'she's' my everything.......all i have to is just be patient, hurting it maybe but i will never regret it...

"There's this love song
I wrote so long ago
For someone special
For someone dear to me

To tell her how much i miss her
To tell her how much i love her
And how much i wanted to stay by her side
How much i wanted is to hold her tight

But before i could do that
Before i could start
She left me heartbroken
She left me sunken
Now i'm down-trodden

She told me to move on
She wished me well
She told me i'll forget
The love we ever shared
But how can i move on

I never want to give up
I will never forget
The moments we shared
The love we had
The kisses so sweet
That made my heart beat

Time may have taken us apart
But I will always be there for her
She'll always be in my heart
She'll be in my dreams
Till the very end of my days."

saturday has been a slow day to my first wkend in singapore for a long time... had the opportunity to meet up with some of my cousins...really had fun hanging out with them though very short in time. but the moment of frustration is when i came back home to find out that 'she' is no longer in sync with me...really lost and down at the moment...trying to find my faith and courage to move on but i don't think i can break free from this world that we have created, there is no one else i want to be with.

had the time of my life eating eating n eating...muahahaha...all the local food...okies...hope to start work soon with my fav company....

its my 2nd day home from australia, time is slow moving...really enjoying every moment eating all the local delights...of course getting used to a new environment...alot of things did change over the past 9 months whilst i was away...now i just really wanna spend time with my family and not meet anyone else for the moment...but there are people i do wanna meet ASAP also...especially a certain someone special in my life...coming back here is time for me to chase my dreams, though it maybe almost close to impossible or i don't know how the future holds...but i will chase it relentlessly til i drop...

its 1046am...i'm here in my room...west house 49 room 1...sitting n waiting...waiting for the inevitable...the undeniable...the moment...where i get to leave this ulu place for a time being...going to miss all that is here and especially all the people who made it more special for me...no doubt many friendships have been forged and formed...many moments of priceless experiences...but i hope the most important thing i found whilst here is to grow up! hahaha......sheeesh...muahahaha....i guess the time here and all the reflections i make sums up most of my feelings and thoughts...friends i cherished most...

its already monday time really flies...tomorrow i will be leaving gippsland already and heading home...back to my family...as i look back on the time spent here...i realised that it has been an enriching moment in my life...certain things takes time to experience and this one whole year have been time really well spent...ups and downs are part and parcel of this journey...i had alot of setbacks alone this year...and they just keep coming...stress amounting to a limit and health have been poor...i know what is the best medicine i need...but that medicine won't be easy to get....i believe i can make it...but believing is so hard nowadays...low morale? low self-esteem? low in self-confidence?

this fateful morning...jaime, zyan and myself saw a flying cheescake....sheesh man...goodness...and the best thing is...i left my wallet at jaime's place...hahaha goodness...i was so afraid that i will lose my wallet...coz every other thing can be lost...only the wallet and the one thing in there is most precious to me...and has values worth more than money can buy.

today is another day gone...or yesterday....i had the privelage of sampling the finest dining experience i had in gippy...and its all thanx to SAMSON!!! its was some steaks you cooked up and it was super delicious...next time must cook for us again haha....but yupz really appreciated samson for cooking up a storm in our lives...hehe ...also had the chance to catch the third instalment of the Matrix....not bad at all...but the ending was alittle disappointing. wonder what happens to the world after that???

today is already thursday....1am....life is slow but moving steadily...as the time for me to return home is nearing...i will surely miss my life here in gippsland...or rather in churchill...and all the adventures i had...the highs and lows...the friendships forged...life has never been so enriching...i came here with high hopes only to return with unexpected results...and its quite frustrating...i miss a certain someone and have hopes to meet that person again eventhough its been a frustrating time for me. though time may pass and the environment have changed, but one thing is for sure, my feelings are still the same...life have gone downhill ever since...i'm no longer confident of myself...neither i'm sure of what to do in life now...i'm just lost without 'you' and every step i take now is one confusion after another. right now life is just a stand still....and its not going to get any better...

How can I leave everything I adore?
And everything I���m living for.

The only dream I ever had is being with you.
Let���s not leave ourselves with no way out
I know we can make it right
But it���s going to take a little time.

Remember that I made a vow
That I will never let you go
I meant it then I mean it now
And I want to tell you so

As I stand here today with the world as my witness,
I pledge to you my undying and everlasting love.
I will stand beside you as your partner,
I will stand before you as your protector,
And I will stand behind you as your solace.
Please spend your life with me.

As we grow older together,
As we continue to change with age,
There is one thing that will never change...
I will always keep falling in love with you.

now i am in south one....struggling to find a internet connection...but somehow i managed to find one haha....so now i am writing this...today had the funniest game of pool i had in a long time with sugandi...

just woke up from a deep sleep, before that i had thoughts on somethings which really frustrate me at times, but i think its nothing wrong to be angry over it. i'm just sad that why nobody actually thought of me when its my birthday? but when it is other people's birthday, ur friends will say 'hey must celebrate for him/her.","he/she is your friend wor." yah i know i do wanna celebrate for them their birthdays...but when reflected upon your own...its not a very good feeling. its as though you are invisible and that your birthday is not as good a birthday like others to celebrate or warrant a happy birthday regards. so i'm their friend to celebrate their birthdays, but am i not their friend to celebrate my birthday??? it seems i'm destined like what zyan said about my horoscope, that i will leave something behind for the world to see the changes i make, but will not be duly appreciated. its painful and sad, my recognition for my work is just plain superficial. i dunno why i'm bitching about this right now...but i feel a need to express how and what i felt when this kind of things happen. i guess life is just so unfair. i'm sure if others would to read this blog, they will say "goodness you're crazy for attention is it?", "wah lau wei dont think so much can anot?", or better still "siao isit this kind of idea also can think bout your friends?" harsh words??? i dunno, but i might think these might be some crazy answer i will get. i guess in life we do miss giving out appreciations to those who are low in profile but yet have done great things. we tend to forget those beside us all this while. we tend to forgo the chance to say 'thank you for all you have done" to those who truly deserve. the world has losts its edge in giving simple innocent appreciation. to me the world has turned into something drastically superficial and of cordial protocols.
-----------------------------

"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." (William James)

my feelings after my final paper is really like fireworks.....bursting with many emotions....happy, sad and excited....but all didnt go as well as i wanted...the last 2 papers i took was alot harder than expected so i'm not putting much hope in them...so i'm expecting quite bad results....haizzzz....but for now i sure take a breather...think through some stuff i have put aside for awhile...and maybe catch up with things i wanna do for so long...

life is so unfair....when people is resting in the night...others make so much noise, talk loud and they never think for others...but when you are awake in the morning and they're about to sleep they come out and ask you to quiet down...these people can only think for themselves...and they are the worse because it shows they never actually think before they really act...

Its the wee hours of an early monday morning...as I prepare to face my final paper for the year...i reflect back on what i have done so far...its been a roller-coaster year for me...and once the exams are over i'm going to be free from stress for the moment...

its sunday morning...i'm struggling to finish up my final assignment together with my revision for my final paper on monday...its been one long road for me...
"The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success." (David Sarnoff)

Just earlier in the day...we had 4 of us playing monopoly tycoon...its the most no. of people playing at the same time and it was really fun...however i think being the winner was not really fun at all...haha everyone in the game now wants to take revenge on me...i guess this really reflect life somehow...had fun playing with the guys and no doubt this is one of the craziest things i think we did ...(who would play computer games in the middle of exams week...and worst we are not even studying as much as we would love to) ok today is another new day and hopefully everything will go well for all of us....

as the week draws to a close...all of us weary from our exams can take a small short break to destress...a timely intervention by the 'saturdays' n 'sundays' for i have taken ill with a bad cough n possible fever...but didn't i tell the world i had lots of fun eating all the junk food we can eat...to pamper ourselves but only to fall sick....

goodness today's first exam paper is really really good for me...hopefully can score well enough...haha...had another chain of thought....as we walk the path of life...alot waves hit us and sometimes it can cause us to drown...sometimes it can cause us to slip and fall...but the waves do retract back and its all calm for us to move on again....so lets not be too harsh on ourselves on failures......hmmmmm.....
---------------------
yesterday celebrated samson's birthday haha happy birthday to u again...
---------------------
now i'm having a crash course on my 2nd exam paper prep....oh my goodness there is so much to remember aikssss wish i was a computer all the sudden where the memory is alot much better....like can save like tat....having trouble concentrating at this moment...so much thing is on my mind but i can't seem to settle any one of them.....

life can tick when there is beer.....

it thurs already arrrrrhrhrhhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrh i goin crazy already man....hahaha

ok this sucks i can't seem to add pictures correctly haha alot of tries n errors....

evening already and i'm just here sitting watching simpsons.......

i woke up to the loud chatter of my housemates...and there is nothing i can do to stop those noises from entering my ears....arghhhhh....not enough sleep and the body is aching from endless nights of enduring toture to study for exams....haha its already 5pm now and i have not started revising for my exams which is hell NOOOOO.....tomolo....haizzz...wish i was studying but haizzzzz......

As i sit alone in South one typing this out...i felt a sudden chain of thoughts...lately everyone one i know have certain kinds of problems...be it relationships, personal, health, studies or etc....we all have problems....we cannot seem to run away from these problems... i realise that instead of running away shouldn't we meet them straight on and solve these problems??? I guess not everyone is strong enough to do that...even I myelf have sometimes step back and retract into my own private space to hide from these problems...hardly anyone don't have their own problems...so remember to those who read this blog...put yourself into other people's shoes before commenting on their problems....

Where Dreams be told

In a world of which no boundaries hold
a world of many treasures told.

This world where a million choose to sleep
when ten million voice a cry so deep
This world where Man is all for Man
a place where He can't understand

This world which revolves round many nations
where you and I are just information.
A digit, a number, a single shell
in a world of numbness; a living hell

In This world of which no boundaries hold,
still a world of many treasures told.

A single digit is no living hell
For a single dream can cause faith to swell
And ignite the flame that will never cease
Through tempest tossed;through trials and peace

To dream the dream that's beyond the Man
for only He can comprehend
A dream that wakes a thousand nations
to fulfill their fiery transformation

In Our world where no boundaries hold,
we live the life where dreams be told,
what we could wish our world to be
is in our hearts for us to see.

- Tom-cAAt

......In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.
(John Churton Collins)......

oops

oh my gosh today i had the funniest conversation with my dad....

me: dad i bought 1 buck powerball...and win 20 bucks...
dad: son don't gamble not good...
me: aiyah i know how to control wan lah...only 1 bucks some more...
dad: no good
*pause*
dad: ok son help me buy powerball 2 draw...this nos. XXXXXXXXXXX
son: oh my goodness hahaha

hmmm something i learnt...haha alot of pple dont really do wat they preach...haha goodness that includes my lovable dad!!

wow wow wow...its tuesday already and exams for me is on thurs haha ....goodness yesterday watch Australian Idol...really damn fed up man...they voted Paulini out...oh my gosh....the public really suck in voting man....that Shannon should be voted out...he sucked big time....hahaha

Goodness what a day to start the monday......working thru the lifeless morning and then getting the body all sore n tired.....yesterday had fun celebrating Samson's birthday ...haha let him n the rest who tried the cake a new cheesecake baked by me....ooops haha didnt tell u guys that u are all 'guinea pigs'....haha shit man...i got an assignment due on wed...its not done...exams on thurs n friday...have not really studied for them....but getting to it soon...hmmmm really glad that these few days got the chance to study with the guys...at least i wont sleep man....(the bed is really distracting back home) haha

hello hello....how is everyone hahahaha

"A good friend is someone who
listens carefully
responds sensitively
advise justly
assits readily
speaks compassionately
defends boldly
understand naturally
shares generously
praises loudly
criticizes softly
loves deeply
yups so this is it."

the day is almost ending and i'm still procrastinating over my assignment...haha goodness....

Quote of the day:

"Even the woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head and keeps pecking away until he finishes the job he starts." (Coleman Cox)

today is another long n boring day as all of us mug for the exams.....sianz......wish we didnt have to take them....haha yah dreamers...

hahaha updated the site again...now with pple's blog in it....hahahah n that zyan so damn happy to be the first one to write in my blog...n give that kind of funny face to me....haha

slowly updating my blog site as the days rides up to examinations... more stuff will be added soon....right now i'm just so tired from work n stuff...til i got not much time to rest...but its alrite i guess....haha today is deepavali...damn it another holiday break gone...coz Oz land don't celebrate it...haizzzz

exams round the corner damn sianz....luckily got pple's blogs to read which is so damn funny...can keep the spirit up....

Today is the day i make my blogspot haha