敷蠕晚賜
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Saturday, July 31, 2004
War Zone
my restless heart and mind is at war. depression and anxiety sweeping at me so fast i can't stop to catch my breathe and to hold on to what is sane. prayers of faith is keeping me alive, books are keeping me occupied as tears flow down my cheeks. just concluded that i'm officially depressed. after all my time as a counsellor for fellow peers, i have finally broken down. crushed under sheer pressure of burden and heartbreaks. at this tender young age of 23, my emotions are in a disarray. have to break out of this soon, using my own will power and strength.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky Stars
hmmm its a low key event for this...4 of us took the car out for a spin, headed off to loy yang power station to watch the lights...quite spectacular, but on the way home...hmmmm....we nearly got into a head on collision with another car....we are driving smoothly on the road, when all of the sudden just 20 metres ahead this old red sports car came out of the side road only to stop half way onto the road we were heading towards...the driver must be speeding or drunk and didnt stop properly...both our car and the car behind had to swerve off to our opposite lanes (thank god there was no car on coming, if not it would have been disastrous) and carried on our journey back home....oh man...
me being nervous only had to say this to the passengers, "sorry for the slight turbulence experienced..."
one of them replied, "no worries, its the safest drives i have had..." timely compliment i hope...to calm that nervous soul of mine, already being so 'rojak' at the moment....
~~~~~~~~
Books
probably the day turn out to be funny things happening...was about to borrow the heap of marketing books with Stacey, when the librarian had this to say to us...."doing some light readings hey?...." aiks...hahaha we were like carrying 9 books each...hahaha and most of them are thick heavy marketing books!! how embarrassing but funny...
then whilst walking off to the cars, Stacey remembered how our marketing lecturer once told us to borrow as much as we can...coz we paid fees already!...hahahaha =)
was wondering am i too kiasu or just plain too nerd? hahahaha
my restless heart and mind is at war. depression and anxiety sweeping at me so fast i can't stop to catch my breathe and to hold on to what is sane. prayers of faith is keeping me alive, books are keeping me occupied as tears flow down my cheeks. just concluded that i'm officially depressed. after all my time as a counsellor for fellow peers, i have finally broken down. crushed under sheer pressure of burden and heartbreaks. at this tender young age of 23, my emotions are in a disarray. have to break out of this soon, using my own will power and strength.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky Stars
hmmm its a low key event for this...4 of us took the car out for a spin, headed off to loy yang power station to watch the lights...quite spectacular, but on the way home...hmmmm....we nearly got into a head on collision with another car....we are driving smoothly on the road, when all of the sudden just 20 metres ahead this old red sports car came out of the side road only to stop half way onto the road we were heading towards...the driver must be speeding or drunk and didnt stop properly...both our car and the car behind had to swerve off to our opposite lanes (thank god there was no car on coming, if not it would have been disastrous) and carried on our journey back home....oh man...
me being nervous only had to say this to the passengers, "sorry for the slight turbulence experienced..."
one of them replied, "no worries, its the safest drives i have had..." timely compliment i hope...to calm that nervous soul of mine, already being so 'rojak' at the moment....
~~~~~~~~
Books
probably the day turn out to be funny things happening...was about to borrow the heap of marketing books with Stacey, when the librarian had this to say to us...."doing some light readings hey?...." aiks...hahaha we were like carrying 9 books each...hahaha and most of them are thick heavy marketing books!! how embarrassing but funny...
then whilst walking off to the cars, Stacey remembered how our marketing lecturer once told us to borrow as much as we can...coz we paid fees already!...hahahaha =)
was wondering am i too kiasu or just plain too nerd? hahahaha
Poem
inspired by the lyrics of 桲集褽
Something came in between usㄛ
Taking away the love we sharedㄛ
Leaving behind only tearsㄛ
Even if it was a mistakeㄛ
Even if you regrettedㄛ
You didn't want me to follow﹝
Even if I lovedㄛ
Twice as muchㄛ
Twice as hardㄛ
Prayed that muchㄛ
Nothing will change﹝
遜眕峈眒冪佽疑賸ㄛ
扂蠅珨れ贗薯ㄛ 扂植懂羶衄輒疶 ㄛ
淩腔竭眈陓ㄛ 祥奪嗣堈腔擒燭 ㄛ
扂蠅飲褫眕珨祭珨祭腔諉輪 ㄛ
楷汜賸妦繫岈�藥蒪騔晰齪�
祥岆佽疑賸ㄛ善堈源藏俴ㄛ
善蹕鎮ㄛ 匙燮ㄛ 臟埮ㄛ
艘岍賜衄嗣湮 岆扂蠅腔埮隅
~~~~~~~~~~~
didn't realise his songs had the feelings i wanna portray. it seems coincidental that he released his album now, and spoke of the things happening between me and you. i'm not too sure what to do from now on, only time will tell. let me bring away all your unhappiness and pain. i'm stepping back, stepping aside. so smile gal, thats what i wanna see and that you remain happy, with or without me. i wanna see those eyes sparkle, those dimples and megawatt smile coming back into your life.
barrage of comments have floored me, no more determination, no more fighting spirit, no more will, no more faith in what i believed, love is something i said to you, i will fight for and defend it at all cost, coz its what i believed, now its a forgotten past as i drown under endless pressure.
like a phoenix, i will burn and turn into ashes, but will rise again eventually.
~~~~~~~~~
my future hangs in the balance, on one single event, will i stay or return home, depends on the outcome of that one event. life have been cruel and kind to me, but its all good.
inspired by the lyrics of 桲集褽
Something came in between usㄛ
Taking away the love we sharedㄛ
Leaving behind only tearsㄛ
Even if it was a mistakeㄛ
Even if you regrettedㄛ
You didn't want me to follow﹝
Even if I lovedㄛ
Twice as muchㄛ
Twice as hardㄛ
Prayed that muchㄛ
Nothing will change﹝
遜眕峈眒冪佽疑賸ㄛ
扂蠅珨れ贗薯ㄛ 扂植懂羶衄輒疶 ㄛ
淩腔竭眈陓ㄛ 祥奪嗣堈腔擒燭 ㄛ
扂蠅飲褫眕珨祭珨祭腔諉輪 ㄛ
楷汜賸妦繫岈�藥蒪騔晰齪�
祥岆佽疑賸ㄛ善堈源藏俴ㄛ
善蹕鎮ㄛ 匙燮ㄛ 臟埮ㄛ
艘岍賜衄嗣湮 岆扂蠅腔埮隅
~~~~~~~~~~~
didn't realise his songs had the feelings i wanna portray. it seems coincidental that he released his album now, and spoke of the things happening between me and you. i'm not too sure what to do from now on, only time will tell. let me bring away all your unhappiness and pain. i'm stepping back, stepping aside. so smile gal, thats what i wanna see and that you remain happy, with or without me. i wanna see those eyes sparkle, those dimples and megawatt smile coming back into your life.
barrage of comments have floored me, no more determination, no more fighting spirit, no more will, no more faith in what i believed, love is something i said to you, i will fight for and defend it at all cost, coz its what i believed, now its a forgotten past as i drown under endless pressure.
like a phoenix, i will burn and turn into ashes, but will rise again eventually.
~~~~~~~~~
my future hangs in the balance, on one single event, will i stay or return home, depends on the outcome of that one event. life have been cruel and kind to me, but its all good.
Friday, July 30, 2004
Backseat
i'm taking the backseat into this. once third in the pecking order, now not even on that list it feels and seems. prayer of faith let me learn, not blindly believe. if you have faith in me come back to me and listen. what has happened was not suppose to happen. i see my dreams clearer and i saw you in my light in that whole pitch of darkness. i'm aware, amazed and somehow defeated by those around you. if i'm ever going to stand up, you have to be the first to rescue me and know the truth. if not this will continue to be a endless tussle and its harder for me to be by your side nowadays.
i will be praying to you oh LORD. guide me towards the way, for me to think, work and get myself out of this.
~~~~~~~~~
fun time at radio today...hahaha today helped did a topic section on horoscopes... feels great to chip in something at last...despite the number of times i have been to radio. hahaha...
i miss someone
i will be praying
i'm taking the backseat into this. once third in the pecking order, now not even on that list it feels and seems. prayer of faith let me learn, not blindly believe. if you have faith in me come back to me and listen. what has happened was not suppose to happen. i see my dreams clearer and i saw you in my light in that whole pitch of darkness. i'm aware, amazed and somehow defeated by those around you. if i'm ever going to stand up, you have to be the first to rescue me and know the truth. if not this will continue to be a endless tussle and its harder for me to be by your side nowadays.
i will be praying to you oh LORD. guide me towards the way, for me to think, work and get myself out of this.
~~~~~~~~~
fun time at radio today...hahaha today helped did a topic section on horoscopes... feels great to chip in something at last...despite the number of times i have been to radio. hahaha...
i miss someone
i will be praying
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Calm
have to hold back emotions, as disappointment sets in. controlling fears and anger is what i'm trained for and what i have been through. the storm that is brewing ahead will be met by a calmness. hitting the books must have been inspiration to control the explosions. i forsee the reasons of educated attacks as a motivation to rein me in and make matter worse. i have my own opinions, interests and beliefs. i was outspoken and straightforward, only to those i cared. and i keep it to myself and those whom i have spoken. i regret being outspoken that sometimes it hurts, but for the interest of those i cared, its better to be honest than to be untruthful.
the good 車 days maybe gone when we are sticking our necks out there for others. i tried so hard with those who have come and gone to build up the relationships, yet all this are being thrashed overnight in a single act of stings. reputation at stake, relationships on the brink of collaspe, yet i won't do anything.
have to hold back emotions, as disappointment sets in. controlling fears and anger is what i'm trained for and what i have been through. the storm that is brewing ahead will be met by a calmness. hitting the books must have been inspiration to control the explosions. i forsee the reasons of educated attacks as a motivation to rein me in and make matter worse. i have my own opinions, interests and beliefs. i was outspoken and straightforward, only to those i cared. and i keep it to myself and those whom i have spoken. i regret being outspoken that sometimes it hurts, but for the interest of those i cared, its better to be honest than to be untruthful.
the good 車 days maybe gone when we are sticking our necks out there for others. i tried so hard with those who have come and gone to build up the relationships, yet all this are being thrashed overnight in a single act of stings. reputation at stake, relationships on the brink of collaspe, yet i won't do anything.
Survey
survey 1
1. nAmE: richmond
2. piErCiNgs: none
3. tAttoos: dun haf
4. hEigHt: 1.80m
5. shOe siZe: 9
6. hAiR cOloUr: light brown, with white hair...=(
7. sibLiNg(s): bro
[lAst]
8. sOng u liStEnEd tO: There You'll Be...Faith Hill
9. cd/vCd u bOugHt: hmmmm no idea already
10. peRsOn u've cAllEd: housemates!
[dO]
11. u hAvE a cRuSh oN sOmEoNe: Yes
12. u wisH u cOuld livE sOmEwheRe eLse: Yes
12. u tHiNk abOut sUicidE: only when i super depress...but wont do it
13. u beLieVe iN onLiNe dAtiNg: nopz
14. otHeRs fiNd u attRactiVe: when they tell me lor...
15. u wAnt mOrE piErCiNgs: probably one on the ear
16. u likE cLeAniNg: clean is good
17. u wRitE iN cUrsiVe oR pRiNt: both
[hAvE u]
18. evEr cRiEd ovEr a giRl: Yes
19. eVeR cRiEd oVeR a bOy: Yes
20. evEr liEd 2 sOmEonE: Yes
21. eVeR bEeN iN a fiSt figHt: yes with my bro
[whAt]
22. shAmpOo dO u usE: Heads & Shoulders
23. aRe u sCaRed oF: death, parents and GOD
[nUmbEr]
24. oF timEs I hAvE bEeN iN lOvE: 2
25. oF timEs I hAvE hAd my hEaRt bRokEn: 2
26. of tiMes my nAmE aPpEaR iN thE nEwSpApEr: kinda many times...but not bout me
27. oF sCaRs i hAvE oN my bOdy: 2
28. of tHiNgs iN my pAst tHat I rEgRet: 2
[fAvOuRitE]
29. 5 lEtteR wOrd: dun have one i particularly like
30. cErEaL: Kelloggs Honey Crunch!
31. chEwiNg gUm: nopz
32. cOlOuR(s): Blue, white and earthly colors
33. dAy(s) oF wEek: friday & sunday
34. lEaSt fAvE dAy: monday
35. fLowEr: lilies and tulips
36. jEweLry: my rings!
37. sPeCiaL skillS/taLeNts: foresight
38. sUmMeR/wiNtEr: both!
[hAvE u eVeR]
39. gOnE oUt iN pUbLiC iN uR pyjAmAs: Yes!
40. cRiEd dUriNg a mOviE: Yes
41. bEeN 2 nEw yOrk: hoping to go
42. bEeN 2 cAlifOrniA: Yupz
43. chiNa: Yupz
44. cAnAdA: wanna go!
45. eUrOpE: Yupz
46. hOng koNg: Yupz
47. aSiA: Yes.
[rAndOm]
48. whAt timE iS it nOw: 1730hrs
49. aPpLeS oR bAnAnAs: both!!!
50. bLuE oR rEd: blue
51. wHat aRe u gOnNa dO after this: go make dinner and sleep
52. wat was the last meaL u ate: garlic bread for lunch at 1530 hrs
53. wat do you do when you are bored: listen to my MP3.. & definately think a lot of my love ones
54. lAst nOisE u hEaRd: the song coming out of the speakers
55. lAst tiMe u wEnt oUt of stAtE/pRoviNcE: 2 wks ago
[fRiEndsHiP aNd lOvE]
55. dO u beLieVe iN lOvE at fiRst siGht: Yes
56. dO u wAnt cHiLdrEn oNe dAy aNd if sO, hOw mAny?: yes, 3 would be good...haha
57. mOst impOrtAnt tHiNg tO u iN a fRiEndsHip: understanding & trust
[otHeR iNfOrmAtiOn]
58. tHiNg u diSlikE abOut uRseLf tHe mOst: being stubborn
59. wOrSt fEeLiNg iN tHe wOrLd: being rejected
60. whO u lOvE: myself,my family,my 'boys' and the 2 gals.
70. whO u miSs: all the above mentioned in 60 except me.
Survey 2
Put an X next to the option you identify yourself with..
[ ] I wish I was a different ethnicity.
[ ] I have an eating disorder.
[ ] I am short.
[x] I am tall.
[ ] I think I'm really attractive.
[ ] I prefer winter over summer.
[ ] I am a geek.
[ ] I am a shopaholic.
[X] I am reasonably intelligent.
[x] I am attracted to girls.
[ ] I am attracted to boys...
[ ] I like British accents.
[ ] I smoke regularly.
[ ] I smoke socially.
[x] I drink socially.
[ ] I drink regularly.
[ ] I get drunk easily.
[ ] I do drugs.
[ ] I will never date a bad kisser.
[ ] I've lied to avoid kissing them again.
[ ] I brush my hair at least 50 times a night.
[ ] I am religious.
[x] I am not religious but have morals.
[ ] I lie frequently.
[x] I am impulsive.
[x] I am hardworking.
[ ] I liked Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
[x] She's All That is one of my favourite movies.
[x] I am good at History.
[x] I speak more than two languages.
[x] I enjoy taking pictures.
[x] I like spending money on myself.
[x] I like spending money on others.
[ ] I have a regular income.
[ ] I earn money on a job-by-job basis.
[ ] I pay my own bills.
[x] I rely on my parents for money.
[x] I can cook.
[x] I enjoy cleaning.
[x] Tidyness is a must in my life.
[ ] I like clutter.
[ ] My idea of good music is Britney Spears.
[ ] I have heard of Blonde Redhead.
[ ] I enjoy Blonde Redhead.
[ ] I am fashion-conscious.
[ ] I have good taste.
[ ] People tell me I have good taste.
[ ] I excel academically.
[x] I am told I have yet to fulfill my potential.
[x] I am good at sports.
[x] I am good at certain sports.
[ ] I couldn't do sports to save my life.
[x] I am creative.
[ ] I am artistically inclined.
[ ] I want to be an artist when I grow up.
[ ] I want to be an engineer when I grow up.
[x] I eat when I'm upset.
[ ] I cannot adapt to change.
[x] I am interested in politics.
[ ] I have shoplifted.
[x] I download MP3s.
[ ] I have done underage drinking.
[ ] I have gone underage clubbing.
[ ] I can dance reasonably well.
[ ] I can dance extremely well.
[x] I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
[ ] I can sing.
[ ] I sing like someone stepped on my foot.
[x] I can swim.
[ ] I enjoy surveys.
[x] I enjoy surveys when I'm bored.
[x] I keep a journal.
[ ] My teachers don't like me.
[x] I enjoy controversy.
[x] I can be a bitch/bastard.
[x] I have a thing for bad boys/girls.
[ ] I have tattoos.
[ ] I've been in a nudist colony.
[ ] I'm not sure if I want to have children.
[x] I'm not sure if I'll get married.
[ ] I know who I will marry.
[ ] Someone has a crush on me.
[ ] I am interesting.
[ ] I am a good liar.
[x] People enjoy talking to me.
[x] I annoy people from time to time.
[ ] I am a born leader.
[ ] I am a born leader but shouldn't lead.
[ ] I've snuck out of the house.
[ ] I enjoy felching.
[ ] I have a foot fetish.
[ ] I have a shoe fetish.
[ ] I watch Sex And The City.
[ ] I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty.
[ ] I want to be J Lo.
[ ] I cut myself.
[ ] I have cut myself.
[x] I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
[ ] I hate popular people.
[ ] I think cheerleading is a sport.
[ ] I am photogenic.
[ ] I live in Chucks.
[ ] I think graffiti is art.
[ ] I have dated a criminal.
[ ] I have been cheated on.
[ ] I have cheated on someone.
[ ] I have a temper.
[x] I like playgrounds.
[x ] I dance in the rain.
[ ] I am obsessed with Shakespeare.
[ ] I have tanlines.
[ ] My favourite color is pink.
[ ] My favourite color is black.
[x] I would classify myself as emo.
[ ] I am musically inclined.
[x] I like listening to music.
[ ] I like music-blasting cars.
[ ] Thongs are comfortable.
[x] I like flip-flops.
[x] I know what monogamy is
[x] ... and I believe in it.
[x ] I want to be a social worker when I grow up.
[x] I have siblings
[ ] My siblings annoy me
[x] I think South Park is funny
[x] I believe in love
survey 1
1. nAmE: richmond
2. piErCiNgs: none
3. tAttoos: dun haf
4. hEigHt: 1.80m
5. shOe siZe: 9
6. hAiR cOloUr: light brown, with white hair...=(
7. sibLiNg(s): bro
[lAst]
8. sOng u liStEnEd tO: There You'll Be...Faith Hill
9. cd/vCd u bOugHt: hmmmm no idea already
10. peRsOn u've cAllEd: housemates!
[dO]
11. u hAvE a cRuSh oN sOmEoNe: Yes
12. u wisH u cOuld livE sOmEwheRe eLse: Yes
12. u tHiNk abOut sUicidE: only when i super depress...but wont do it
13. u beLieVe iN onLiNe dAtiNg: nopz
14. otHeRs fiNd u attRactiVe: when they tell me lor...
15. u wAnt mOrE piErCiNgs: probably one on the ear
16. u likE cLeAniNg: clean is good
17. u wRitE iN cUrsiVe oR pRiNt: both
[hAvE u]
18. evEr cRiEd ovEr a giRl: Yes
19. eVeR cRiEd oVeR a bOy: Yes
20. evEr liEd 2 sOmEonE: Yes
21. eVeR bEeN iN a fiSt figHt: yes with my bro
[whAt]
22. shAmpOo dO u usE: Heads & Shoulders
23. aRe u sCaRed oF: death, parents and GOD
[nUmbEr]
24. oF timEs I hAvE bEeN iN lOvE: 2
25. oF timEs I hAvE hAd my hEaRt bRokEn: 2
26. of tiMes my nAmE aPpEaR iN thE nEwSpApEr: kinda many times...but not bout me
27. oF sCaRs i hAvE oN my bOdy: 2
28. of tHiNgs iN my pAst tHat I rEgRet: 2
[fAvOuRitE]
29. 5 lEtteR wOrd: dun have one i particularly like
30. cErEaL: Kelloggs Honey Crunch!
31. chEwiNg gUm: nopz
32. cOlOuR(s): Blue, white and earthly colors
33. dAy(s) oF wEek: friday & sunday
34. lEaSt fAvE dAy: monday
35. fLowEr: lilies and tulips
36. jEweLry: my rings!
37. sPeCiaL skillS/taLeNts: foresight
38. sUmMeR/wiNtEr: both!
[hAvE u eVeR]
39. gOnE oUt iN pUbLiC iN uR pyjAmAs: Yes!
40. cRiEd dUriNg a mOviE: Yes
41. bEeN 2 nEw yOrk: hoping to go
42. bEeN 2 cAlifOrniA: Yupz
43. chiNa: Yupz
44. cAnAdA: wanna go!
45. eUrOpE: Yupz
46. hOng koNg: Yupz
47. aSiA: Yes.
[rAndOm]
48. whAt timE iS it nOw: 1730hrs
49. aPpLeS oR bAnAnAs: both!!!
50. bLuE oR rEd: blue
51. wHat aRe u gOnNa dO after this: go make dinner and sleep
52. wat was the last meaL u ate: garlic bread for lunch at 1530 hrs
53. wat do you do when you are bored: listen to my MP3.. & definately think a lot of my love ones
54. lAst nOisE u hEaRd: the song coming out of the speakers
55. lAst tiMe u wEnt oUt of stAtE/pRoviNcE: 2 wks ago
[fRiEndsHiP aNd lOvE]
55. dO u beLieVe iN lOvE at fiRst siGht: Yes
56. dO u wAnt cHiLdrEn oNe dAy aNd if sO, hOw mAny?: yes, 3 would be good...haha
57. mOst impOrtAnt tHiNg tO u iN a fRiEndsHip: understanding & trust
[otHeR iNfOrmAtiOn]
58. tHiNg u diSlikE abOut uRseLf tHe mOst: being stubborn
59. wOrSt fEeLiNg iN tHe wOrLd: being rejected
60. whO u lOvE: myself,my family,my 'boys' and the 2 gals.
70. whO u miSs: all the above mentioned in 60 except me.
Survey 2
Put an X next to the option you identify yourself with..
[ ] I wish I was a different ethnicity.
[ ] I have an eating disorder.
[ ] I am short.
[x] I am tall.
[ ] I think I'm really attractive.
[ ] I prefer winter over summer.
[ ] I am a geek.
[ ] I am a shopaholic.
[X] I am reasonably intelligent.
[x] I am attracted to girls.
[ ] I am attracted to boys...
[ ] I like British accents.
[ ] I smoke regularly.
[ ] I smoke socially.
[x] I drink socially.
[ ] I drink regularly.
[ ] I get drunk easily.
[ ] I do drugs.
[ ] I will never date a bad kisser.
[ ] I've lied to avoid kissing them again.
[ ] I brush my hair at least 50 times a night.
[ ] I am religious.
[x] I am not religious but have morals.
[ ] I lie frequently.
[x] I am impulsive.
[x] I am hardworking.
[ ] I liked Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
[x] She's All That is one of my favourite movies.
[x] I am good at History.
[x] I speak more than two languages.
[x] I enjoy taking pictures.
[x] I like spending money on myself.
[x] I like spending money on others.
[ ] I have a regular income.
[ ] I earn money on a job-by-job basis.
[ ] I pay my own bills.
[x] I rely on my parents for money.
[x] I can cook.
[x] I enjoy cleaning.
[x] Tidyness is a must in my life.
[ ] I like clutter.
[ ] My idea of good music is Britney Spears.
[ ] I have heard of Blonde Redhead.
[ ] I enjoy Blonde Redhead.
[ ] I am fashion-conscious.
[ ] I have good taste.
[ ] People tell me I have good taste.
[ ] I excel academically.
[x] I am told I have yet to fulfill my potential.
[x] I am good at sports.
[x] I am good at certain sports.
[ ] I couldn't do sports to save my life.
[x] I am creative.
[ ] I am artistically inclined.
[ ] I want to be an artist when I grow up.
[ ] I want to be an engineer when I grow up.
[x] I eat when I'm upset.
[ ] I cannot adapt to change.
[x] I am interested in politics.
[ ] I have shoplifted.
[x] I download MP3s.
[ ] I have done underage drinking.
[ ] I have gone underage clubbing.
[ ] I can dance reasonably well.
[ ] I can dance extremely well.
[x] I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
[ ] I can sing.
[ ] I sing like someone stepped on my foot.
[x] I can swim.
[ ] I enjoy surveys.
[x] I enjoy surveys when I'm bored.
[x] I keep a journal.
[ ] My teachers don't like me.
[x] I enjoy controversy.
[x] I can be a bitch/bastard.
[x] I have a thing for bad boys/girls.
[ ] I have tattoos.
[ ] I've been in a nudist colony.
[ ] I'm not sure if I want to have children.
[x] I'm not sure if I'll get married.
[ ] I know who I will marry.
[ ] Someone has a crush on me.
[ ] I am interesting.
[ ] I am a good liar.
[x] People enjoy talking to me.
[x] I annoy people from time to time.
[ ] I am a born leader.
[ ] I am a born leader but shouldn't lead.
[ ] I've snuck out of the house.
[ ] I enjoy felching.
[ ] I have a foot fetish.
[ ] I have a shoe fetish.
[ ] I watch Sex And The City.
[ ] I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty.
[ ] I want to be J Lo.
[ ] I cut myself.
[ ] I have cut myself.
[x] I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
[ ] I hate popular people.
[ ] I think cheerleading is a sport.
[ ] I am photogenic.
[ ] I live in Chucks.
[ ] I think graffiti is art.
[ ] I have dated a criminal.
[ ] I have been cheated on.
[ ] I have cheated on someone.
[ ] I have a temper.
[x] I like playgrounds.
[x ] I dance in the rain.
[ ] I am obsessed with Shakespeare.
[ ] I have tanlines.
[ ] My favourite color is pink.
[ ] My favourite color is black.
[x] I would classify myself as emo.
[ ] I am musically inclined.
[x] I like listening to music.
[ ] I like music-blasting cars.
[ ] Thongs are comfortable.
[x] I like flip-flops.
[x] I know what monogamy is
[x] ... and I believe in it.
[x ] I want to be a social worker when I grow up.
[x] I have siblings
[ ] My siblings annoy me
[x] I think South Park is funny
[x] I believe in love
Books
currently reading "Hillary Rodham Clinton Living History" the first chapter of the autobiography already caught my dedicated attention to the details. the ex-first lady of the US, is definitely a distinguished individual with great character. haha i'm already hot on the heels for her husband's book...i'm on the waiting list...hopefully will get to read it once i'm done with this...
after reading this book i guess it sort of made me understand why somethings happen. the bible was suppose to be it...but yes...GOD didnt answer me through HIS revelations...HE worked HIS magic through others...haha funny how it seem to me that reading this book by Hillary, only conquer all fears that i stand alone on what i believed. i alone stand for my decisions, i defend it i must, and in return i have to respect others. signs to me, that its time to give up what i have been seeking and learn the basic route. somethings change somethings don't. its the changes i have to adapt and move on.
i will be praying...
i love you...
i miss you...
currently reading "Hillary Rodham Clinton Living History" the first chapter of the autobiography already caught my dedicated attention to the details. the ex-first lady of the US, is definitely a distinguished individual with great character. haha i'm already hot on the heels for her husband's book...i'm on the waiting list...hopefully will get to read it once i'm done with this...
after reading this book i guess it sort of made me understand why somethings happen. the bible was suppose to be it...but yes...GOD didnt answer me through HIS revelations...HE worked HIS magic through others...haha funny how it seem to me that reading this book by Hillary, only conquer all fears that i stand alone on what i believed. i alone stand for my decisions, i defend it i must, and in return i have to respect others. signs to me, that its time to give up what i have been seeking and learn the basic route. somethings change somethings don't. its the changes i have to adapt and move on.
i will be praying...
i love you...
i miss you...
Knocks
Knocks...someone used to get knocks to the head...now its gone...but i think i have been getting knocks on my poor head in replacement. My prayers have been answered...for that person...but not for me ....ouch...last night...hit the top of my bed and wall, i think got at least 6 times...was too dazed to count even...
Migraine have been getting worse...
"you are the first thing and last thing on my mind..." both of you... so important that i'm willing to trade anything of me for your(s) happiness. prayer. =)
Knocks...someone used to get knocks to the head...now its gone...but i think i have been getting knocks on my poor head in replacement. My prayers have been answered...for that person...but not for me ....ouch...last night...hit the top of my bed and wall, i think got at least 6 times...was too dazed to count even...
Migraine have been getting worse...
"you are the first thing and last thing on my mind..." both of you... so important that i'm willing to trade anything of me for your(s) happiness. prayer. =)
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Voice Within
someone needs to voice out opinions, and make decisions and inevitable consequences will follow. i feel that way after my meeting. its been hard on 'VP' for him to make decisions. i feel that exact same feeling back then. i'm not too sure if he feels it, but really i see the effort and appreciation he has for his work. i must give him the credit for the guts. his ideas are my ideals but yet i have not the chance to work with such a brilliant individual. 'S' was right back then, he is a brilliant individual. i'm without doubt now that 'VP' will be the one that will lead the organisation out of the years of slump. foundations has been set by previous committees, all their hardwork have been inspirational. all their hardwork paid off. in this entry, i salute to all who have come, conquered their fears, raised their aspirations and work towards a united goal.
Politics are the same everywhere we go. Leaders are hard to come by. Only a few can make that cut. Today i see a leader. A gem in his own class. A worthy individual to lead. I'm without doubt that those who reads this will know where i stand, and why i have heaped praise upon this individual. Its hard to make comparison but if i was put beside this fine individual, i will lose hands down. Thats my own opinion. Keep up the good work dude. I will be there to help. =)
~~~~~~~~~~
ouch...stacey elbowed my face just now...so funny...i feel so dizzy now...like sort of told me to wake up from my dreamy state. hmmmm...thank you arrr stacey...hahaha feels good
someone needs to voice out opinions, and make decisions and inevitable consequences will follow. i feel that way after my meeting. its been hard on 'VP' for him to make decisions. i feel that exact same feeling back then. i'm not too sure if he feels it, but really i see the effort and appreciation he has for his work. i must give him the credit for the guts. his ideas are my ideals but yet i have not the chance to work with such a brilliant individual. 'S' was right back then, he is a brilliant individual. i'm without doubt now that 'VP' will be the one that will lead the organisation out of the years of slump. foundations has been set by previous committees, all their hardwork have been inspirational. all their hardwork paid off. in this entry, i salute to all who have come, conquered their fears, raised their aspirations and work towards a united goal.
Politics are the same everywhere we go. Leaders are hard to come by. Only a few can make that cut. Today i see a leader. A gem in his own class. A worthy individual to lead. I'm without doubt that those who reads this will know where i stand, and why i have heaped praise upon this individual. Its hard to make comparison but if i was put beside this fine individual, i will lose hands down. Thats my own opinion. Keep up the good work dude. I will be there to help. =)
~~~~~~~~~~
ouch...stacey elbowed my face just now...so funny...i feel so dizzy now...like sort of told me to wake up from my dreamy state. hmmmm...thank you arrr stacey...hahaha feels good
毞 毞
怮栠毞(麼)狟迾毞
�佷溜佽醴孚�虛
梑珨跺夔砑斕戺督腔褒邈
艘覂①�佷蝧蕉�
鞣鞣蛌羲扂弝盄
衄跺躓滯�襞珘譁踽�
扂腔陑眒冪滄善涴跺傑庈腔鍚珨晚
砑艘覂斕﹛
扂乾腔螺 參陑爵腔覜①飲勤斕佽
饒鎮繚奻毞毞飲婓��
奧藩跺�佮壏嬦硜昉�
羶衄斕�欳蚨傴痚�
埻懂涴欴憩岆蟋乾
扂砑猁斕婓扂旯晚
煦砅汜韜笢腔珨з
扂砑猁毞毞佽毞毞佽
毞毞勤斕佽扂衄嗣乾斕
毞毞佽 I love you BABY
By David Tao....
use Chinese simplified (GB2312) to read.....anyway this is the song...that can sum up my whole feelings....its romantic...tinge of sadness yet happy for me.
怮栠毞(麼)狟迾毞
�佷溜佽醴孚�虛
梑珨跺夔砑斕戺督腔褒邈
艘覂①�佷蝧蕉�
鞣鞣蛌羲扂弝盄
衄跺躓滯�襞珘譁踽�
扂腔陑眒冪滄善涴跺傑庈腔鍚珨晚
砑艘覂斕﹛
扂乾腔螺 參陑爵腔覜①飲勤斕佽
饒鎮繚奻毞毞飲婓��
奧藩跺�佮壏嬦硜昉�
羶衄斕�欳蚨傴痚�
埻懂涴欴憩岆蟋乾
扂砑猁斕婓扂旯晚
煦砅汜韜笢腔珨з
扂砑猁毞毞佽毞毞佽
毞毞勤斕佽扂衄嗣乾斕
毞毞佽 I love you BABY
By David Tao....
use Chinese simplified (GB2312) to read.....anyway this is the song...that can sum up my whole feelings....its romantic...tinge of sadness yet happy for me.
Late Nights
woke up at 2am. only to be staring at this again. work all evening in front of the comp...doing my marketing readings...fell asleep on the table. have been making calls all afternoon with regards to ISA....haha great... retirement for me is out of question...
in the evening...went to the pondage and just soak in the scene...had to do somethings i had to do... feels better, alot clearer, i can breathe freely now... thanx 'L'... lets see who gets to Rome first with our own hard earned paycheck...muahahaha...i think i got an unfair headstart... =p
oh well...things are on the brighter side. i hope... its time to hit the books and the bible yet again... dunno whether i can keep up the 4hrs a day sleep kind of torture....hmmm only time will tell...
oh wells...i think its time to hit the bed too...had a great long chat with my bro zyan...hahaha
woke up at 2am. only to be staring at this again. work all evening in front of the comp...doing my marketing readings...fell asleep on the table. have been making calls all afternoon with regards to ISA....haha great... retirement for me is out of question...
in the evening...went to the pondage and just soak in the scene...had to do somethings i had to do... feels better, alot clearer, i can breathe freely now... thanx 'L'... lets see who gets to Rome first with our own hard earned paycheck...muahahaha...i think i got an unfair headstart... =p
oh well...things are on the brighter side. i hope... its time to hit the books and the bible yet again... dunno whether i can keep up the 4hrs a day sleep kind of torture....hmmm only time will tell...
oh wells...i think its time to hit the bed too...had a great long chat with my bro zyan...hahaha
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
1. What are you doing right now?~ at home doing this survey!
2. Do you have a best friend on the net?~ no...my friends all real, alive and kicking! =)
3. What do you plan to do tomorrow?~ attend boring hypnotic lectures
4. What is your bf/gf like?~ beautiful, intelligent and fabulous
5. Do you wait for someone to come online?~ yes i do... =p
6. What did you eat today?~ bread, pasta, banana?
7. How do you know when you love someone?~ when i care for them and love them...its so special to put something on it to describe...you go find out yourselves...hahaha
8. Do you have a job?~ yupz...student and be a good son...damn!
9. What do you want out of life? ~ experience
10. Do you not like someone?~ YES
11. Do you feel comfortable telling ppl your inner secrets?~ No. Unless that person is someone important in my life.
12. Do you prefer yahoo or msn?~ MSN! It's simple!
13. What is your ideal body?~ i'm satisfied with my current physique...but probably add more bulk to the arms?
14. What is agony?~ when you are suffering
15. Who is the first person you think about when get up in the morning?~ Lord my GOD...haha morning prayer mah...
16. Would you ever wanna be a mayor?~ No. But i prefer to be a minister.
17. Do you like spiders?~ NO.
18. What is your least fav critter?~ haha gotta be rats?
19. Do you shower daily?~ Duh!
20. Have you ever told someone something, just so it wouldnt hurt their feelings, knowing that what you are telling them is completely false?~ Yes. ever heard of white lie....hahaha
21. What would you do if you found out your loved one was cheating on you?~ Interesting! Give a deep,hatred,revengeful look... & walk away~ *go back & plot plan A.B.C. to make him regret!* ROAR!!!!! No lah...will walk away...
22. Do you like straight hair or curly hair?~ Straight...
23. Name 5 ppl other than your bf/gf that you talk to on the internet?~ samson, zyan, sheali, geri, fong...
24. Do you feel comfortable talking about private things in a chatroom?~ nah
25. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?~ Rome, Paris and New York...3 destinations can anot?
26. How do you feel about gay marriage?~ I'm ok with it...freedom for all
27. Do you believe in abortion?~ Objection!
28. How often do you eat fast food?~ once a month?
29. What is the thing you hate most about yourbf/gf?~ being stubborn...haha but its alrite..coz i'm stubborn also
30. Do you ever wish you were single?~ I'm single...
2. Do you have a best friend on the net?~ no...my friends all real, alive and kicking! =)
3. What do you plan to do tomorrow?~ attend boring hypnotic lectures
4. What is your bf/gf like?~ beautiful, intelligent and fabulous
5. Do you wait for someone to come online?~ yes i do... =p
6. What did you eat today?~ bread, pasta, banana?
7. How do you know when you love someone?~ when i care for them and love them...its so special to put something on it to describe...you go find out yourselves...hahaha
8. Do you have a job?~ yupz...student and be a good son...damn!
9. What do you want out of life? ~ experience
10. Do you not like someone?~ YES
11. Do you feel comfortable telling ppl your inner secrets?~ No. Unless that person is someone important in my life.
12. Do you prefer yahoo or msn?~ MSN! It's simple!
13. What is your ideal body?~ i'm satisfied with my current physique...but probably add more bulk to the arms?
14. What is agony?~ when you are suffering
15. Who is the first person you think about when get up in the morning?~ Lord my GOD...haha morning prayer mah...
16. Would you ever wanna be a mayor?~ No. But i prefer to be a minister.
17. Do you like spiders?~ NO.
18. What is your least fav critter?~ haha gotta be rats?
19. Do you shower daily?~ Duh!
20. Have you ever told someone something, just so it wouldnt hurt their feelings, knowing that what you are telling them is completely false?~ Yes. ever heard of white lie....hahaha
21. What would you do if you found out your loved one was cheating on you?~ Interesting! Give a deep,hatred,revengeful look... & walk away~ *go back & plot plan A.B.C. to make him regret!* ROAR!!!!! No lah...will walk away...
22. Do you like straight hair or curly hair?~ Straight...
23. Name 5 ppl other than your bf/gf that you talk to on the internet?~ samson, zyan, sheali, geri, fong...
24. Do you feel comfortable talking about private things in a chatroom?~ nah
25. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?~ Rome, Paris and New York...3 destinations can anot?
26. How do you feel about gay marriage?~ I'm ok with it...freedom for all
27. Do you believe in abortion?~ Objection!
28. How often do you eat fast food?~ once a month?
29. What is the thing you hate most about yourbf/gf?~ being stubborn...haha but its alrite..coz i'm stubborn also
30. Do you ever wish you were single?~ I'm single...
GOD
If there is one thing i would tell HIM, i will tell him this, "my life has been sucky and really at the bottom, but somehow its all good, i know that the trials i'm going through are part of my journey you planned for me, but its been a difficult road. if i have a choice, i would give up and forsake you. yet in me the heart and soul is strong, so amazingly powerful your voice, that the will and fighting spirit is great. your love conquered my heart and moulded me in your likeness, to love and to hold, to cherish and to grow, oh exalted one, i'm in awe, that your faith in your son here is beyond my own imagination."
Hmmm anyways...thats what i would say to HIM if i did meet or met HIM. haha
~~~~~~~~~
got a few christian 'jokes' my friend sent to me...i found it amusing and yet heart warming, that we know how much being in love with GOD is....
1.There was a very gracious lady who was mailing
an old family Bible to her brother in another
part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?"
asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments",
answered the lady.
2. A father was approached by his small son who
told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied,
"I do know!" "Okay", said his father.
"So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic
Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
Jokes to me are really a caricature of people...we as christians believe in the 10 Commandments...but do we all follow it? What about the BIBLE? its the most important book in all of christianity, on how to follow HIM...and back to the kingdom...i guess we all have our interpretations. some may differ in opinion. But yupz...i hope this 2 'jokes' will sort of enlighten your understanding...of what do those things mentioned mean to you. thats the most important. =)
If there is one thing i would tell HIM, i will tell him this, "my life has been sucky and really at the bottom, but somehow its all good, i know that the trials i'm going through are part of my journey you planned for me, but its been a difficult road. if i have a choice, i would give up and forsake you. yet in me the heart and soul is strong, so amazingly powerful your voice, that the will and fighting spirit is great. your love conquered my heart and moulded me in your likeness, to love and to hold, to cherish and to grow, oh exalted one, i'm in awe, that your faith in your son here is beyond my own imagination."
Hmmm anyways...thats what i would say to HIM if i did meet or met HIM. haha
~~~~~~~~~
got a few christian 'jokes' my friend sent to me...i found it amusing and yet heart warming, that we know how much being in love with GOD is....
1.There was a very gracious lady who was mailing
an old family Bible to her brother in another
part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?"
asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments",
answered the lady.
2. A father was approached by his small son who
told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied,
"I do know!" "Okay", said his father.
"So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic
Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
Jokes to me are really a caricature of people...we as christians believe in the 10 Commandments...but do we all follow it? What about the BIBLE? its the most important book in all of christianity, on how to follow HIM...and back to the kingdom...i guess we all have our interpretations. some may differ in opinion. But yupz...i hope this 2 'jokes' will sort of enlighten your understanding...of what do those things mentioned mean to you. thats the most important. =)
Stubborn, Honest? Goodbye...
Somethings have been said and done. Honest words, yet harsh facts. Stubborn minds guide both our hearts. Both of us believe in somethings that are opposites. But both of us believe in Love and Loving someone wholeheartedly. There is no way the past can be remedied. The chance to reconcile is nearly zero. The sun has set on this twilight moment. Its been the most spectacular yet short lived moment. Only to be cherished and treasured, once in this lifetime. Let it set peacefully and remember the times when the sun shone its glorious rays upon it, the once shared 'love' and time we had.
All i just wanna do is find a way to compromise and work things out. maybe its all written in the stars, there is no escape, in this stretch of mortal time, sometimes i wish i never learnt how to love and have that love returned. its probably punishment for somethings we did. the dreams we have to leave behind will always be part of me, at least in me. in you i saw my light, my strength....
But its time to say goodbye. I only have this prayer to say this morning:
Lord, You invite all who are burdened to come to You. Allow your healing hand to heal me. Touch my soul with Your compassion for others. Touch my heart with Your courage and infinite love for all. Touch my mind with Your wisdom, that my mouth may always proclaim Your praise. Teach me to reach out to You in my need, and help me to lead others to You by my example. Most loving Heart of Jesus, bring me health in body and spirit that I may serve You with all my strength. Touch gently this life which You have created, now and forever. Amen.
Its a prayer for you and me. Take time to read.
~~~~~~~~~~~
oh wells...after all has happened... i guess some good came out of it. me being alittle bit more mature i think?!?! haha...and my studies and extra curriculum are beyond my wildest dreams...i'm like ahead of schedule in revision or what....hmmm crazy man...i think i need to slow down...oh well 'turn strength and perseverence into something useful' rather than putting hope into something that even i can't save.
Somethings have been said and done. Honest words, yet harsh facts. Stubborn minds guide both our hearts. Both of us believe in somethings that are opposites. But both of us believe in Love and Loving someone wholeheartedly. There is no way the past can be remedied. The chance to reconcile is nearly zero. The sun has set on this twilight moment. Its been the most spectacular yet short lived moment. Only to be cherished and treasured, once in this lifetime. Let it set peacefully and remember the times when the sun shone its glorious rays upon it, the once shared 'love' and time we had.
All i just wanna do is find a way to compromise and work things out. maybe its all written in the stars, there is no escape, in this stretch of mortal time, sometimes i wish i never learnt how to love and have that love returned. its probably punishment for somethings we did. the dreams we have to leave behind will always be part of me, at least in me. in you i saw my light, my strength....
But its time to say goodbye. I only have this prayer to say this morning:
Lord, You invite all who are burdened to come to You. Allow your healing hand to heal me. Touch my soul with Your compassion for others. Touch my heart with Your courage and infinite love for all. Touch my mind with Your wisdom, that my mouth may always proclaim Your praise. Teach me to reach out to You in my need, and help me to lead others to You by my example. Most loving Heart of Jesus, bring me health in body and spirit that I may serve You with all my strength. Touch gently this life which You have created, now and forever. Amen.
Its a prayer for you and me. Take time to read.
~~~~~~~~~~~
oh wells...after all has happened... i guess some good came out of it. me being alittle bit more mature i think?!?! haha...and my studies and extra curriculum are beyond my wildest dreams...i'm like ahead of schedule in revision or what....hmmm crazy man...i think i need to slow down...oh well 'turn strength and perseverence into something useful' rather than putting hope into something that even i can't save.
Monday, July 26, 2004
How To?
I'm back home, sitting in front of this laptop. Typing out my feelings for today. I can't seem to control my feelings for that someone well. I can't resist the temptation to call her or even sms her. But I have a promise to keep. Not just a promise to her, but a promise to myself, that we both need time apart. Yet how do I not think about her, dream about her, when all I do is about her. Those days are gone, and I want her so muchThe night is long and I need her touch.Don't know what to sayI never meant to feel this way, hate to be alone tonight......
Thinking about her, yet I have accomplished more than i should. Bible readings, my own studies and piano lessons. How did I fall in love with her, so much that the power to love translate into something energising? Am I just escaping? Am I running away from it all? I really don't know, but will be praying about it.
Hungry man now...stomach have been growling...aiks...but i ate Samantha's special hokkien mee this morning arrrr...hmmm maybe its a sign to eat more! muahahahahahaha zyan...dun blame me when u come back got no more...hahahahahaha =p
I'm back home, sitting in front of this laptop. Typing out my feelings for today. I can't seem to control my feelings for that someone well. I can't resist the temptation to call her or even sms her. But I have a promise to keep. Not just a promise to her, but a promise to myself, that we both need time apart. Yet how do I not think about her, dream about her, when all I do is about her. Those days are gone, and I want her so muchThe night is long and I need her touch.Don't know what to sayI never meant to feel this way, hate to be alone tonight......
Thinking about her, yet I have accomplished more than i should. Bible readings, my own studies and piano lessons. How did I fall in love with her, so much that the power to love translate into something energising? Am I just escaping? Am I running away from it all? I really don't know, but will be praying about it.
Hungry man now...stomach have been growling...aiks...but i ate Samantha's special hokkien mee this morning arrrr...hmmm maybe its a sign to eat more! muahahahahahaha zyan...dun blame me when u come back got no more...hahahahahaha =p
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Church
Fr. Malcolm just had to introduce me to the whole congregation today...haha. its good to finally step back into the Catholic Church...after a long and protracted journey away from it for years. Going to attend bible studies every thursday soon. was wondering should i do baptism and confirmation. maybe just attend it and see how. i would love to attend cathecism classes and see all the young kids...a great bunch i tell you...
In a Nutshell
"Prayer is not an exercise to change God's mind, but to change our minds and hearts. Jesus teaches us to pray for a way of life.
If Christians lived by what they pray in the Lord's Prayer, we would have a vastly different world: God's Kingdom of justice and peace, food for all without excess for the few, forgiveness and peace of soul.
The prayer is not about 'me' but about 'us'."
(Taken off from "The Saving Word" 25th July 2004)
I have been praying, and somehow each time i prayed, i prayed for 'her'. Today's gospel was meaningful to it. "Ask and it will be given to you; search and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For the one who asks always receives; the one who searches always find; the one who knocks will always have the door opened to him." (Luke 11:9-10)
I asked GOD in prayer to bless 'her' the strength and power to love again. I have been searching deep inside my heart and i found the strength and courage to love 'her' unconditionally. I have knock upon the house of GOD for answers and HE has opened up to me.
~~~~~~~~~
I may sound a little hmmm "holy" at this moment...but trust me...what one camp has done...what one sunday mass have given...its all good. The signs HE has given me is beyond my imagination. I'm in awe and deep respect. My believe in HIM is small like a mustard seed...yet HE has shown me visions beyond my tender years. =)
~~~~~~~~~
I miss someone. Someone I love. Unlike anyone. My love for her is not superficial nor temporary. Its unconditional love which is even beyond my wildest imagination. I love her and will set her free. When the time comes all things will fall in place. I maybe naive or vulnerable as my friends sometimes say. But being a jack ass like me i being true to my heart. I can't deny my feelings nor can i hide it.
People always say we need to know each other better before getting together...but everything don't work just that way. Somethings work differently. I'm getting to know her better each passing day and vice versa. We can't work things out over night. I can't make her be in love with me overnight. Yet our love can grow overtime. Our paths have crossed each others, and we are at the crossroads of leaving behind what has happened, said and done. Life goes on and I'm praying. =)
Fr. Malcolm just had to introduce me to the whole congregation today...haha. its good to finally step back into the Catholic Church...after a long and protracted journey away from it for years. Going to attend bible studies every thursday soon. was wondering should i do baptism and confirmation. maybe just attend it and see how. i would love to attend cathecism classes and see all the young kids...a great bunch i tell you...
In a Nutshell
"Prayer is not an exercise to change God's mind, but to change our minds and hearts. Jesus teaches us to pray for a way of life.
If Christians lived by what they pray in the Lord's Prayer, we would have a vastly different world: God's Kingdom of justice and peace, food for all without excess for the few, forgiveness and peace of soul.
The prayer is not about 'me' but about 'us'."
(Taken off from "The Saving Word" 25th July 2004)
I have been praying, and somehow each time i prayed, i prayed for 'her'. Today's gospel was meaningful to it. "Ask and it will be given to you; search and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For the one who asks always receives; the one who searches always find; the one who knocks will always have the door opened to him." (Luke 11:9-10)
I asked GOD in prayer to bless 'her' the strength and power to love again. I have been searching deep inside my heart and i found the strength and courage to love 'her' unconditionally. I have knock upon the house of GOD for answers and HE has opened up to me.
~~~~~~~~~
I may sound a little hmmm "holy" at this moment...but trust me...what one camp has done...what one sunday mass have given...its all good. The signs HE has given me is beyond my imagination. I'm in awe and deep respect. My believe in HIM is small like a mustard seed...yet HE has shown me visions beyond my tender years. =)
~~~~~~~~~
I miss someone. Someone I love. Unlike anyone. My love for her is not superficial nor temporary. Its unconditional love which is even beyond my wildest imagination. I love her and will set her free. When the time comes all things will fall in place. I maybe naive or vulnerable as my friends sometimes say. But being a jack ass like me i being true to my heart. I can't deny my feelings nor can i hide it.
People always say we need to know each other better before getting together...but everything don't work just that way. Somethings work differently. I'm getting to know her better each passing day and vice versa. We can't work things out over night. I can't make her be in love with me overnight. Yet our love can grow overtime. Our paths have crossed each others, and we are at the crossroads of leaving behind what has happened, said and done. Life goes on and I'm praying. =)
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Focus
got my focus...finished Leviticus...a.k.a.....third book of moses. had to concentrate on it which was good and fruitful. really the focus was there. the urge to call and talk to her was curbed...so i think it was good..kinda irritated her less i hope...aiks...so now just continue to do what i have been doing. bible studies, church, piano lessons and my own studies. concentration. like moses who believed in GOD...i believe everything will turn out fine. i know what my heart wants, but whether the other heart wants the same really have to depend on her. come what may....the future holds.
right now i have only one person in my heart and mind. she is my angel and devil. yet if we are not together, i will always have her in my heart a special place. loving someone is unconditional. learnt that the hard way...doing it the hardest way, by experience. yet i believe love will conquer all...just like how GOD gave HIS only SON to sacrifice for all of us. HIS love is beyond my understanding now, so hopefully one day when i return to HIS side he will show me that love in all its awe. =)
got my focus...finished Leviticus...a.k.a.....third book of moses. had to concentrate on it which was good and fruitful. really the focus was there. the urge to call and talk to her was curbed...so i think it was good..kinda irritated her less i hope...aiks...so now just continue to do what i have been doing. bible studies, church, piano lessons and my own studies. concentration. like moses who believed in GOD...i believe everything will turn out fine. i know what my heart wants, but whether the other heart wants the same really have to depend on her. come what may....the future holds.
right now i have only one person in my heart and mind. she is my angel and devil. yet if we are not together, i will always have her in my heart a special place. loving someone is unconditional. learnt that the hard way...doing it the hardest way, by experience. yet i believe love will conquer all...just like how GOD gave HIS only SON to sacrifice for all of us. HIS love is beyond my understanding now, so hopefully one day when i return to HIS side he will show me that love in all its awe. =)
Surveys??
Were you named after anyone? - hahaha you think leh??
Do you wish on stars? - Definitely...
Which finger is your favourite?- All of them....my precious from GOD
Do you like your handwriting?- errr which one, i have a few
What is your favourite lunch meat?- Salmon, Beef
Any bad habits? - burping?
If you were another person, would you be friends WITH you?- definitely get to know me...hahahaha...still got some charisma left in me leh
Are you a daredevil? - OOoooOOOoooo..*drum-rolls* depends..
Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?- i dun swear
Do looks matter?- of course, imagine me with 2 mouths???
Have you ever misused a word and it was absolutely stupid?- i dun think so, even i did they wont tell me...hahaha
Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? - haha yes...there will always be.
Do fishes have feelings?- of course...
Are you trendy?- of course...(ok zyan must be coughing now)...hey my pace of trendy...hahahaha
How do you release anger?- anger management----> whack the hell out of something
Where are your second homes?-pauz place, beach, library, right now here in churchill
What was your favourite toy as a child?- transformers...more than meets the eye
What class in school do you think is totally useless?- hmmmmm...all seems useful
Have you ever been on radio or television?- both
Do u keep a journal?- yes...an online one...and a diary version
Do you use sarcasm a lot?- When I'm moody.
Have you ever been in a mosh pit?- nope.
What do you look for in a guy/gal?- look at lenore and you know already
What are your nicknames?- hmmm leng zai? richie? rich? rich man? haha dun laugh
Would you bungee?- right now...yes....when i'm there probably not
Do you un-tie your shoes when you take them off?- Nope! My mama didnt tell me i have to..hahaha..
What are you worried about right now?- final year uni and HER
Do you ever wear overalls?- nopz
Do you think that you are strong?- I am STRONG...inside weak
What's your favourite ice cream flavor? - oreo ice cream, choco chip
What's your favourite colour? - white and blue
What is your least fav. thing in the world?- Squids to octopus!!!!!
How many wisdom teeth do you have?- 3 only...75% intelligent...but gave it all up to the dentist already...so now i think dumb dumb.
Are you in love with anyone?-not just in love...deeply in love
How many people have a crush on you right now?- you gotta be kidding me...if there is please come find me...
Who do you miss most right now? - Lenore, family, pauz and kenz.
Were you named after anyone? - hahaha you think leh??
Do you wish on stars? - Definitely...
Which finger is your favourite?- All of them....my precious from GOD
Do you like your handwriting?- errr which one, i have a few
What is your favourite lunch meat?- Salmon, Beef
Any bad habits? - burping?
If you were another person, would you be friends WITH you?- definitely get to know me...hahahaha...still got some charisma left in me leh
Are you a daredevil? - OOoooOOOoooo..*drum-rolls* depends..
Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?- i dun swear
Do looks matter?- of course, imagine me with 2 mouths???
Have you ever misused a word and it was absolutely stupid?- i dun think so, even i did they wont tell me...hahaha
Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? - haha yes...there will always be.
Do fishes have feelings?- of course...
Are you trendy?- of course...(ok zyan must be coughing now)...hey my pace of trendy...hahahaha
How do you release anger?- anger management----> whack the hell out of something
Where are your second homes?-pauz place, beach, library, right now here in churchill
What was your favourite toy as a child?- transformers...more than meets the eye
What class in school do you think is totally useless?- hmmmmm...all seems useful
Have you ever been on radio or television?- both
Do u keep a journal?- yes...an online one...and a diary version
Do you use sarcasm a lot?- When I'm moody.
Have you ever been in a mosh pit?- nope.
What do you look for in a guy/gal?- look at lenore and you know already
What are your nicknames?- hmmm leng zai? richie? rich? rich man? haha dun laugh
Would you bungee?- right now...yes....when i'm there probably not
Do you un-tie your shoes when you take them off?- Nope! My mama didnt tell me i have to..hahaha..
What are you worried about right now?- final year uni and HER
Do you ever wear overalls?- nopz
Do you think that you are strong?- I am STRONG...inside weak
What's your favourite ice cream flavor? - oreo ice cream, choco chip
What's your favourite colour? - white and blue
What is your least fav. thing in the world?- Squids to octopus!!!!!
How many wisdom teeth do you have?- 3 only...75% intelligent...but gave it all up to the dentist already...so now i think dumb dumb.
Are you in love with anyone?-not just in love...deeply in love
How many people have a crush on you right now?- you gotta be kidding me...if there is please come find me...
Who do you miss most right now? - Lenore, family, pauz and kenz.
[NOW]
happy or sad: both....funny hey
sleepy or awake: awake
hungry or full: hungry
dirty or clean: going to get dirty
single or taken: single and not available
alone or with someone beside u: so damn alone!
sick or healthy: healthy, just had medical chkup
[WHAT]
you last ate: oreo milkshake with ice cream
last drank: h2o
you wearing now: boxers and tee
you thinking of: how to complete this survey
you wishing for: someone
do you overuse: the internet...
do you take for granted: time...
[WHO]
do you miss the most: my family and "L"
do you love: my family and "L"
do you feel most happy with: so far...my best buds, samson and sheali mei mei!
makes you laugh like a maniac: pauz and kenz my best buds
makes u sleep: gotta be my boring lecturers
makes you cry: myself
makes you angry: myself
lightens you: close friends...
ill-treats you: hmm...no idea
[WHEN]
is your birthday: July
your loved one'sbirthday: Feb, Mar, May, Sep and Oct.
is your wedding anniversary: at this moment...marriage is a far-fetch thing
is the last time you did something for the first time: miss someone yet avoided to tell her about it
did you last swear: last night?
did you last have a fight: never
did you last cry: last night
[HOW]
do you break off with someone: never broke off with someone. its the other way around.
do you overcome depression: listen to music and think it through myself
do you live your life: being prepared
do you make friends: go up to them & make short chats... and the rest is history~
do you pass your time: listening to music,online,sleep,hang out with friends...
do you pass your exams: dunno man...
do you find yourself: too nice, thinker, not that intelligent?
[WHY}
do you normally get angry: coz i dislike ppl saying things which are untrue...
do you cry: sad & disappointed
are you who you are? : GOD moulded me this way, through my trials and tribulations
are you doing this survey: saw sheali did it...so just do lah...
happy or sad: both....funny hey
sleepy or awake: awake
hungry or full: hungry
dirty or clean: going to get dirty
single or taken: single and not available
alone or with someone beside u: so damn alone!
sick or healthy: healthy, just had medical chkup
[WHAT]
you last ate: oreo milkshake with ice cream
last drank: h2o
you wearing now: boxers and tee
you thinking of: how to complete this survey
you wishing for: someone
do you overuse: the internet...
do you take for granted: time...
[WHO]
do you miss the most: my family and "L"
do you love: my family and "L"
do you feel most happy with: so far...my best buds, samson and sheali mei mei!
makes you laugh like a maniac: pauz and kenz my best buds
makes u sleep: gotta be my boring lecturers
makes you cry: myself
makes you angry: myself
lightens you: close friends...
ill-treats you: hmm...no idea
[WHEN]
is your birthday: July
your loved one'sbirthday: Feb, Mar, May, Sep and Oct.
is your wedding anniversary: at this moment...marriage is a far-fetch thing
is the last time you did something for the first time: miss someone yet avoided to tell her about it
did you last swear: last night?
did you last have a fight: never
did you last cry: last night
[HOW]
do you break off with someone: never broke off with someone. its the other way around.
do you overcome depression: listen to music and think it through myself
do you live your life: being prepared
do you make friends: go up to them & make short chats... and the rest is history~
do you pass your time: listening to music,online,sleep,hang out with friends...
do you pass your exams: dunno man...
do you find yourself: too nice, thinker, not that intelligent?
[WHY}
do you normally get angry: coz i dislike ppl saying things which are untrue...
do you cry: sad & disappointed
are you who you are? : GOD moulded me this way, through my trials and tribulations
are you doing this survey: saw sheali did it...so just do lah...
Friday, July 23, 2004
Believe
i believe that things will work out. yet i struggle to commit. i struggle to maintain. i struggle to focus and concentrate at this moment. will the light of my life come back into my journey. how much more pain i gotta go through? if only you replied. tell me the things i need to know, stop doing the things that is hurting me. i'm praying.
i continued my bible studies, and just finished Genesis. Now on to Exodus. Piano lessons was successful today. Zyan must have been the most patient yet fierce teacher you can get....hahaha i think that would let him learn to be more patient and calm that soul down. great fun. i think both of us learnt abit more from our lesson...hahahaha
i believe that things will work out. yet i struggle to commit. i struggle to maintain. i struggle to focus and concentrate at this moment. will the light of my life come back into my journey. how much more pain i gotta go through? if only you replied. tell me the things i need to know, stop doing the things that is hurting me. i'm praying.
i continued my bible studies, and just finished Genesis. Now on to Exodus. Piano lessons was successful today. Zyan must have been the most patient yet fierce teacher you can get....hahaha i think that would let him learn to be more patient and calm that soul down. great fun. i think both of us learnt abit more from our lesson...hahahaha
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Concentration
hahaha my bible studies is coming along well. wonder how i cope with 4 modules, 1 bible studies and piano lessons....hmmm feels great. last semester before i graduate or move on to my next step. bible studies has been great, and going one step further, understanding every single passage and verse. its been taking quite a bit of time so far...only at Genesis chapters still. guess one can only do so much in 2 weeks. but i'm so happy with my progress. grow with GOD and hopefully that someone special...hahaha hey i just can't forget about her...she's my angel ok =)
ok piano lessons are good...did one week of intensive alone...finally got zyan to agree to teach me once a week ...so must buck up and not let him down. hmmm trying to get my basics right first. hopefully can read notes in weeks to come. as well as my fingering and getting used to the tones.
going to do something for radio station i hope and learn something out of this semester's experience. and hey my chinese did improve quite abit from this experience.
hahaha my bible studies is coming along well. wonder how i cope with 4 modules, 1 bible studies and piano lessons....hmmm feels great. last semester before i graduate or move on to my next step. bible studies has been great, and going one step further, understanding every single passage and verse. its been taking quite a bit of time so far...only at Genesis chapters still. guess one can only do so much in 2 weeks. but i'm so happy with my progress. grow with GOD and hopefully that someone special...hahaha hey i just can't forget about her...she's my angel ok =)
ok piano lessons are good...did one week of intensive alone...finally got zyan to agree to teach me once a week ...so must buck up and not let him down. hmmm trying to get my basics right first. hopefully can read notes in weeks to come. as well as my fingering and getting used to the tones.
going to do something for radio station i hope and learn something out of this semester's experience. and hey my chinese did improve quite abit from this experience.
Temporary Goodbye
.......from today onwards its concentration and focus. she will be in my heart. she knows it. i'm glad that she knows. glad to hear from her that i'm part of her heart always. in fact i pray that this moment apart from this day can give us the strength and direction to our hearts.
hey dear... remember the email i sent to you " just close your eyes and feel my arms around you now and know that love will conquer all........." that still stays. its always been the same.
i'm just a call away, and a thought away. so lets see what is "meant to be will be"....but everyday i will pray to the LORD and tell him how much i love you. i believe in HIM. let HIM guide our ways. hopefully in the future i can whisper those lovely 3 words to you everyday. =)
.......from today onwards its concentration and focus. she will be in my heart. she knows it. i'm glad that she knows. glad to hear from her that i'm part of her heart always. in fact i pray that this moment apart from this day can give us the strength and direction to our hearts.
hey dear... remember the email i sent to you " just close your eyes and feel my arms around you now and know that love will conquer all........." that still stays. its always been the same.
i'm just a call away, and a thought away. so lets see what is "meant to be will be"....but everyday i will pray to the LORD and tell him how much i love you. i believe in HIM. let HIM guide our ways. hopefully in the future i can whisper those lovely 3 words to you everyday. =)
Feelings
Clouded, blurred, yet clear on what i want to do. i'm going to break through this barrier. i'm coming out of this stronger. i need the truth now. i know what i will be facing later. locking myself up in the room, zyan said...i know i'm but i got nothing else to do. i'm letting loneliness get into me. where is the once extrovert and out-going richmond??? i'm kinda liking the time i spend to myself, in my cold cold room. i think i have become a loner. i'm embracing loneliness. probably my form of escapism. if only you didn't shut me out of your world. hey but i'm cool with it...coz i did had the pinky promise with you.
people have been telling me to cool things off. but yet do they know how difficult it is for both of us. i guess they all do hey. people always seem to understand better than those in the situation. hahaha maybe i should stop doing it my way and listen to their advices and live their way of life. probably it will be better. =)
Clouded, blurred, yet clear on what i want to do. i'm going to break through this barrier. i'm coming out of this stronger. i need the truth now. i know what i will be facing later. locking myself up in the room, zyan said...i know i'm but i got nothing else to do. i'm letting loneliness get into me. where is the once extrovert and out-going richmond??? i'm kinda liking the time i spend to myself, in my cold cold room. i think i have become a loner. i'm embracing loneliness. probably my form of escapism. if only you didn't shut me out of your world. hey but i'm cool with it...coz i did had the pinky promise with you.
people have been telling me to cool things off. but yet do they know how difficult it is for both of us. i guess they all do hey. people always seem to understand better than those in the situation. hahaha maybe i should stop doing it my way and listen to their advices and live their way of life. probably it will be better. =)
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
HeartBeat
lately i have been sitting along the the pastures out by the uni lake...trying to find a place to think about you. yes... you. as i sat there i saw many of my friends...couples in fact...felt glad for them and happy. i can't help but think that i miss you so much and love you. coz the days without you just got grey and dull. never fell harder than this before. never realise i had so much greater love. silly me. i wish for you to be by my side. to experience our life together and enjoy every moment together. all i wanna do is to tell you how much i love you baby everyday. in time we age in moments we share. i know i can feel your heartbeat in mine...coz everytime i held your hands i can feel the beat in sync.
so tonite i will ask the stars above to bless your journey with HIM...hey and me ....doesnt matter what happen in the future. coz i wanna be with you, when you walk with life. it may take 2 tango, but let me be your lead tonite. =)
i can sense what you are feeling. its not making things easier for both of us. so i'm making my departure earlier. when the time comes you'll know, but let this short moment be cherished and remembered. 100 days is coming up already. i'm still stuck on it. its my last gift.
lately i have been sitting along the the pastures out by the uni lake...trying to find a place to think about you. yes... you. as i sat there i saw many of my friends...couples in fact...felt glad for them and happy. i can't help but think that i miss you so much and love you. coz the days without you just got grey and dull. never fell harder than this before. never realise i had so much greater love. silly me. i wish for you to be by my side. to experience our life together and enjoy every moment together. all i wanna do is to tell you how much i love you baby everyday. in time we age in moments we share. i know i can feel your heartbeat in mine...coz everytime i held your hands i can feel the beat in sync.
so tonite i will ask the stars above to bless your journey with HIM...hey and me ....doesnt matter what happen in the future. coz i wanna be with you, when you walk with life. it may take 2 tango, but let me be your lead tonite. =)
i can sense what you are feeling. its not making things easier for both of us. so i'm making my departure earlier. when the time comes you'll know, but let this short moment be cherished and remembered. 100 days is coming up already. i'm still stuck on it. its my last gift.
TIME
time is precious and its slipping away. but when i think back on all those times, i feel blessed to have you in my life. though we left behind all the dreams, i hope to make new ones with you. i hope to keep a part of you with me, whenever i maybe. its tough for me, i see it in your face. but i will try and give it my best shot. coz i believe in HIM...and HE will guide me to prove the love we thought lost, is actually not, but growing each day.
lets see, i think i know what to do already. and i feel blessed...all the prayers have been answered. i have not felt so free, never in my entire lifetime here on earth...i have never been so free. the greatest love has shown me the way back to the heart. i'm actually happy, renewed with hope, faith... =)
~~~~~~~~~~
medical chkup was good today...had fun at the doctors...hilarious bunch of doctor and nurses...super friendly...glad to meet them. cracked jokes and chit chat...hahaha never knew seeing a doctor can be so fun. =)
hmmmm made my dear bro. zyan angry yesterday....aiks....nevermind lah...he won't blame me wan hor? hahahaha...hey thank you dude.
time is precious and its slipping away. but when i think back on all those times, i feel blessed to have you in my life. though we left behind all the dreams, i hope to make new ones with you. i hope to keep a part of you with me, whenever i maybe. its tough for me, i see it in your face. but i will try and give it my best shot. coz i believe in HIM...and HE will guide me to prove the love we thought lost, is actually not, but growing each day.
lets see, i think i know what to do already. and i feel blessed...all the prayers have been answered. i have not felt so free, never in my entire lifetime here on earth...i have never been so free. the greatest love has shown me the way back to the heart. i'm actually happy, renewed with hope, faith... =)
~~~~~~~~~~
medical chkup was good today...had fun at the doctors...hilarious bunch of doctor and nurses...super friendly...glad to meet them. cracked jokes and chit chat...hahaha never knew seeing a doctor can be so fun. =)
hmmmm made my dear bro. zyan angry yesterday....aiks....nevermind lah...he won't blame me wan hor? hahahaha...hey thank you dude.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Moments
each day as i talked to her...my heart begins to settle down...my decision. i'm going to take that decision and its making me happy. to see her each day is going to be good. back to square one sounds like a big hurdle to cross, but i'm sure i can make it through. guide my way with her dear lord...its the best thing for both of us. we are following you every step of our way. hopefully the greatest love we know, will light my love with her, and let us be together. =)
bible studies and piano lessons paying off dividends. gotta work that around my study schedule though coz the work load should get heavier from the 2nd week onwards. hmmm but that doesnt matter. i believe that i can do it. =)
had milkshake with the dudes just now...oh man...oreo milkshake rocks big time...and we are so damn full....2 litre of oreo ice-cream and milk washed down the stomach...we are all going to gain weight soon....ooops gotta train man...get fit and stay that way... =p
~~~~~~~~~~~
miss singapore, miss being with my family. wanna go home for a break. lets see how things go...
each day as i talked to her...my heart begins to settle down...my decision. i'm going to take that decision and its making me happy. to see her each day is going to be good. back to square one sounds like a big hurdle to cross, but i'm sure i can make it through. guide my way with her dear lord...its the best thing for both of us. we are following you every step of our way. hopefully the greatest love we know, will light my love with her, and let us be together. =)
bible studies and piano lessons paying off dividends. gotta work that around my study schedule though coz the work load should get heavier from the 2nd week onwards. hmmm but that doesnt matter. i believe that i can do it. =)
had milkshake with the dudes just now...oh man...oreo milkshake rocks big time...and we are so damn full....2 litre of oreo ice-cream and milk washed down the stomach...we are all going to gain weight soon....ooops gotta train man...get fit and stay that way... =p
~~~~~~~~~~~
miss singapore, miss being with my family. wanna go home for a break. lets see how things go...
Monday, July 19, 2004
a slow start to the new semester for me. went for class in the morn. played the piano for nearly 2 hrs...my fingers hurt...tried to learn the theme song from forrest gump...man...i tell u my fingers are sored to the core...
the heart and mind in confused state. now better liaoz. really thank samson and zyan for bringing me out for dinner and just chill out. now gotta make oreo milkshake...and have supper? lol lost nearly 5kg in a week....sianz..... was 66kg and gaining...but with things happening lately i literally lost 5kg...now a weak and fragile me at 61kg...and losing more...man i gotta buck up....
the heart and mind in confused state. now better liaoz. really thank samson and zyan for bringing me out for dinner and just chill out. now gotta make oreo milkshake...and have supper? lol lost nearly 5kg in a week....sianz..... was 66kg and gaining...but with things happening lately i literally lost 5kg...now a weak and fragile me at 61kg...and losing more...man i gotta buck up....
got back from melbourne city this morning at 2am odd. really tired. was making some preparations for the new semester, taking a break, and getting some surprises ready. was really tired for me on the journey back. nearly dozed off but managed to keep one eye on the road with zyan who was driving.
i miss someone. i wish that she was next to me right now. alas its just another dream. monday's blues i guess. hope will find its way and back to my heart i pray. the glimmer of light i see at the end of the tunnel is drawing closer to me. but still the journey there is a long and far one. i have hurdles to cross, obstacles to climb and road to plough to get to that point. how i wish i had her along for the ride of our lives together...... if only things were right and not wrong. knowing the wrongs make me wanna do the rights more...but what are the chances of making things right? right now....practically no chance at this moment. yet hopefully perseverence and faithful pecking on the doors to that heart can win it over......so it wont be just "love"....it will be "in love with"
i miss someone. i wish that she was next to me right now. alas its just another dream. monday's blues i guess. hope will find its way and back to my heart i pray. the glimmer of light i see at the end of the tunnel is drawing closer to me. but still the journey there is a long and far one. i have hurdles to cross, obstacles to climb and road to plough to get to that point. how i wish i had her along for the ride of our lives together...... if only things were right and not wrong. knowing the wrongs make me wanna do the rights more...but what are the chances of making things right? right now....practically no chance at this moment. yet hopefully perseverence and faithful pecking on the doors to that heart can win it over......so it wont be just "love"....it will be "in love with"
Sunday, July 18, 2004
FAVORITE name?-> Richmond
FAVORITE number?-> 9
FAVORITE time of the day?-> Night time...coz its come out come out and play....
FAVORITE friend?-> Paul and Kenneth my long time buddies of what?? 16 years???
FAVORITE weather?-> Clear skies with white fluffy clouds hanging around. Not too hot and not too breezy kind.
FAVORITE enemy?-> Myself.
FAVORITE hobby?-> Travelling.
FAVORITE color?-> Blue...all kinds of it.
FAVORITE food?-> Oyster omelette and "Kway Chup"
FAVORITE expressions?-> Eyes twitching
FAVORITE website?-> My own website gua...after all the hardwork put into it =)
FAVORITE song?-> Elva's " ta he ta de gu shi"
FAVORITE resto/fastfood?-> We call it Burger King in Singapore...they call it Hungry Jacks in Australia
FAVORITE holiday/occasion?-> "We wish you a merry christmas....."
FAVORITE thing/possesion?-> My fossil watch given to me by my cousin's on 21st birthday...
FAVORITE exgirlfriend/exboyfriend?-> Angela
FAVORITE get-up?-> dunno what this means....lol
FAVORITE past-time?-> Eat and be with my love ones
FAVORITE place?-> Beach
FAVORITE brand of JEANS?-> the one i wearing...giodarno...
FAVORITE TV show?-> dunno man......
FAVORITE radio station?-> dunno man.....but Gippsland FM 104.7 could be....
FAVORITE embarassing moment ?-> was kinda changing clothes when my friend barge into the room and saw me butt naked ....
FAVORITE gift that you received?-> the one lovely kiss on the cheek by "L" a day after my birthday =)
FAVORITE member of the family?-> gotta be my bro man...
FAVORITE gift that you gave to someone?-> shared with a few friends to get him a Zippo! all carved out with his name! wish i had those too.... =(
FAVORITE person (past)?-> Angela
FAVORITE person (at present)?-> Myself and Lenore...can't seperate the 2...eeks
FAVORITE game?-> Gunbound
FAVORITE girl/guy type?-> intelligent, surprising, pretty, hot and tempting,witty, blur, sweet...actually someone who loves me. somehow the 2 woman i found in my life all fit into the first few categories except the last one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
kinda looking at the last question on who is my fav gal type. i guess i keep on falling (even though its only been twice) in love with this kind of gal. both of them are similar in some ways yet different totally. they possess that x-factor and charisma that no guys not even myself can resist. lol. both of them are beautiful to me in their own ways. both have made my life heaven and hell too. lol...its a package thing.
i'm over with "A" already and both of us moved on. I thought i couldnt not fall in love with someone. thought is just a chance i guess. i didnt make an effort to love or find someone to fall in love. i just fell in love with " L" whom i met each day, not immediately neither right after. i liked her. i liked her eyes.......when i first saw those pair of eyes, they were covered behind the sunglasses she wore. hahaha kinda hard to see but i scrutinise hard just to catch a glimpse. when i finally got to see them close, they are the most beautiful pair of eyes i saw. it was intense and unbelieveable. i couldnt say anything much or express much. the time i took to catch a second glance of those eyes, i fell in love with "L". so the process went from ...like to love haha then came in the lust....ooops...i have 3 Ls for her. time was so short, how i wish time could be longer. its as though just when i got to know her alittle better we have to say goodbye to this love relationship. come what may. i will try my best and not give up. doesnt matter to me now that if she eventually wont be in love with me. but its the moments i had with her that i treasured and hope that time will tell me that i have more time with her.
p.s: i wrote this entry coz i dreamt of her....
finally had my long awaited haircut on saturday. chill out with friends and relax abit. after all that was said and done over the last week. i guess i'm worn out and need to recharge. to carry on and to move on. with or without her. with her is what i want and need, but not meant to be i guess. i will keep on trying in small ways. but if we are not meant to be, i guess i will have to give up.
i have been searching my future, work my way up the corporate ladder i hope. get to continue by education and once i gain enough knowledge and experience. i'm off to united nations to work. that is my ideal goal. helping others. my ambitious goal...vice-president of SIA public affairs department. lol sky high dreams. earth low abilities.
i have been searching my future, work my way up the corporate ladder i hope. get to continue by education and once i gain enough knowledge and experience. i'm off to united nations to work. that is my ideal goal. helping others. my ambitious goal...vice-president of SIA public affairs department. lol sky high dreams. earth low abilities.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Confusion...
i'm not too sure how i feel right now. pissed off and sad. happy and glad. somethings are beyond my control. the "right now" is killing me. the future is bleak. i can't see my direction, i thought i had.
my dream....
finish off this year with someone. continue with honours the next. we both graduate together. we both find some place to "settle down" so we can be together. get our jobs. enjoy our youth together. travel off to europe, especially to rome, coz thats where she wants to go. have the first dance with her as i hold her tight in my arms. that dream is fast fading away. all is lost it seems. i can't find the motivation i once had with confidence broken down. heart break. everything is in a blur. if only she gave me the direction. she knows it can be right. but doesnt believe. i'm down-trodden, cast down. Richmond wept.
i'm not too sure how i feel right now. pissed off and sad. happy and glad. somethings are beyond my control. the "right now" is killing me. the future is bleak. i can't see my direction, i thought i had.
my dream....
finish off this year with someone. continue with honours the next. we both graduate together. we both find some place to "settle down" so we can be together. get our jobs. enjoy our youth together. travel off to europe, especially to rome, coz thats where she wants to go. have the first dance with her as i hold her tight in my arms. that dream is fast fading away. all is lost it seems. i can't find the motivation i once had with confidence broken down. heart break. everything is in a blur. if only she gave me the direction. she knows it can be right. but doesnt believe. i'm down-trodden, cast down. Richmond wept.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Went to library today and got myself a bible. Started reading it from scratch too. I got another book on the world's religion. Something different this time from the one i borrowed last time. Going through some of the religious stuff.
did some piano practises today also. improving my fingering techniques and the reading of notes. learnt a bit more each day and lots of practise will do good for me.
did some piano practises today also. improving my fingering techniques and the reading of notes. learnt a bit more each day and lots of practise will do good for me.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever so believe in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
She told me this tonite. I'm glad and happy we chatted and laughed. Weird it seems but its all good. Loved every moment. But sad every step of it.
Wish i can have this kind of moments with her everyday. It gives me not only the chance to know her better again, but also spend time with her. But alas i'm only dreaming, this will never happen, it takes 2 to tango. I'm but one dancer only.
She told me this tonite. I'm glad and happy we chatted and laughed. Weird it seems but its all good. Loved every moment. But sad every step of it.
Wish i can have this kind of moments with her everyday. It gives me not only the chance to know her better again, but also spend time with her. But alas i'm only dreaming, this will never happen, it takes 2 to tango. I'm but one dancer only.
Woke up to the bright sunny skies of churchill. wondering what's in store for me. Wish she will look for me and take away the pain. but i doubt she will. draw me close to you GOD this is when i need you most. but it seems my heart has turned cold and hard. right now, my heart is in a 'rojak' state. GOD, family, my close buddies and her. she is a fall i'm so willing to take now. more ready than ever before. coz i'm know in my heart and mind, her name rings continuously. my every breathe is about her and yet i can't anymore. its painful yet happy. when the music stops my heart literally stop with it. i care alot for her well being and love her. its time for me to take a back seat and give it up.
being with you was real, a calming presence, an anchor in my life, where i found peace (haha even though it seems you always complained i treat your bed like a hotel), unlike anything i have experienced. we have our differences but we also have our similarities. my head is spinning and all our memories are flashing across, from the day we met til the day we ended. i'll move on, the thing you want me to do right now. move on i will, but without a significant other, not anymore in this lifetime. i'm young, yes, but my thoughts are beyond my years. i could have done more. i gave up helping others more, through my work, so that i can help myself and be with you. continue our journey together and probably rope you in also to help others. my dreams are huge, aspirations are great, and when they crumble, i will crumble with it too. i'm afraid of collasping again. i collaspe once and now with this i'm afraid i will. yesterday's migraine didnt come for along time already, never since i met you. my dream for us ended and the walls have crumbled. i dunno how to build the pieces back again and i pray that a miracle will light up my way and yours of course. give me time and i will learn to fly.
~~~~~~~~~~
I`LL BE THERE
I MISS YOU
I RESPECT YOU
MAYBE YOU`RE RIGHT
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
I THANK YOU
COUNT ON ME
LET ME HELP
I UNDERSTAND YOU
I LOVE YOU
being with you was real, a calming presence, an anchor in my life, where i found peace (haha even though it seems you always complained i treat your bed like a hotel), unlike anything i have experienced. we have our differences but we also have our similarities. my head is spinning and all our memories are flashing across, from the day we met til the day we ended. i'll move on, the thing you want me to do right now. move on i will, but without a significant other, not anymore in this lifetime. i'm young, yes, but my thoughts are beyond my years. i could have done more. i gave up helping others more, through my work, so that i can help myself and be with you. continue our journey together and probably rope you in also to help others. my dreams are huge, aspirations are great, and when they crumble, i will crumble with it too. i'm afraid of collasping again. i collaspe once and now with this i'm afraid i will. yesterday's migraine didnt come for along time already, never since i met you. my dream for us ended and the walls have crumbled. i dunno how to build the pieces back again and i pray that a miracle will light up my way and yours of course. give me time and i will learn to fly.
~~~~~~~~~~
I`LL BE THERE
I MISS YOU
I RESPECT YOU
MAYBE YOU`RE RIGHT
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
I THANK YOU
COUNT ON ME
LET ME HELP
I UNDERSTAND YOU
I LOVE YOU
A Love Story...His and Her Story...
He decided to remain friends, like the way she wants it to be. They can never be together and its best they remain as friends. Its a heavy decision for him to make, but the best one he can give. He don't want to see her cry about it, he don't want to see her upset about it. She knows he is doing his best, appreciates it and feels sorry about it. There is mutual respect for both from then on. A friendship bond that can outlast time, they pray. The good thing that came out of it, they knew more of each other. Though it may all seem funny and weird then on, both of them believe in GOD. HIS plans for both of them may seem pre-maturely ended, but its just part of HIS plan. Both of them will find happiness, and always remember their friendship.
~~~~~~~~~~
What a story i tell you. I'm touched by GOD and i pray that my heart will be steadfast. Their story touched my heart. Love will conquer all forever. Lets appreciate the moments we had together and know that the time that came was cherished and treasured, so be touched. =)
I'm hurt and sad now...No lying no nothing, just brutal honest truth. I have the most wonderful relationship i can imagine and yet it has to end. But i'm grateful that i had the chance, the time to make it cherished and treasured. I love her and nothing has changed.
He decided to remain friends, like the way she wants it to be. They can never be together and its best they remain as friends. Its a heavy decision for him to make, but the best one he can give. He don't want to see her cry about it, he don't want to see her upset about it. She knows he is doing his best, appreciates it and feels sorry about it. There is mutual respect for both from then on. A friendship bond that can outlast time, they pray. The good thing that came out of it, they knew more of each other. Though it may all seem funny and weird then on, both of them believe in GOD. HIS plans for both of them may seem pre-maturely ended, but its just part of HIS plan. Both of them will find happiness, and always remember their friendship.
~~~~~~~~~~
What a story i tell you. I'm touched by GOD and i pray that my heart will be steadfast. Their story touched my heart. Love will conquer all forever. Lets appreciate the moments we had together and know that the time that came was cherished and treasured, so be touched. =)
I'm hurt and sad now...No lying no nothing, just brutal honest truth. I have the most wonderful relationship i can imagine and yet it has to end. But i'm grateful that i had the chance, the time to make it cherished and treasured. I love her and nothing has changed.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Got my results for semester 1 today. as usual, surprises for me. i sometimes can shock myself at how i survived... hmmm but studies ain't my most worrying problem right now. It ain't concerning me right now...I'm just affected by love right now. Results doesnt matter to me at this moment.
but still...looks like i'm on track to graduate this semester and probably do my honours programme too yeah!!!!!!!
but still...looks like i'm on track to graduate this semester and probably do my honours programme too yeah!!!!!!!
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
There is a hero in everyone of us. But how do you bring it out and do the very best? I'm standing here out in the cold. I'm tired, down and worn out. But one bright spark keeps me going on, Love. Wanna be a hero, a champion in his time and leader in his own right. Crazy it seems.
Its tough being a good son, a good brother, a good friend and a good man. My journey is long, its just beginning, but some journey has already pre-maturely ended, some has just begun.
Just some reflection i did after watching spider-man. Its tough really tough. Take time to digest our thoughts and think.
~~~~~~~~
A Love Story...His and Her story...
He's confused at this state. His heart is on one thing, her, but his mind is telling him to snap out. Which does he follow? Guess somethings can't go back to square one. Not even from scratch. He wanna make an effort to lift her up, but she seems to be avoiding it. Somethings come in between the time he wanna spend with her. Somethings just keeps getting in the way and pulling them apart. He just wanna see her smile, laugh and be loved. On his birthday he wished that they can be together, and that GOD can give him the strength to lift her up and love her unconditionally, to show her the way and light. And as he blew away the candle, he prayed hard that the wish will come true. Now he is in solitude and reflection, praying for the strength to cast upon the cold and rejected heart to turn back and embrace the warmth. But like a trampled rose, all beaten and alone, he has to bear the fall. The fall is painful but one thing comes into his mind, her, he knows its a fall he is willing to take for her. Nothing comes close when love conquer all the pain and hurt. Someday that love will shine brightly. =)
Its tough being a good son, a good brother, a good friend and a good man. My journey is long, its just beginning, but some journey has already pre-maturely ended, some has just begun.
Just some reflection i did after watching spider-man. Its tough really tough. Take time to digest our thoughts and think.
~~~~~~~~
A Love Story...His and Her story...
He's confused at this state. His heart is on one thing, her, but his mind is telling him to snap out. Which does he follow? Guess somethings can't go back to square one. Not even from scratch. He wanna make an effort to lift her up, but she seems to be avoiding it. Somethings come in between the time he wanna spend with her. Somethings just keeps getting in the way and pulling them apart. He just wanna see her smile, laugh and be loved. On his birthday he wished that they can be together, and that GOD can give him the strength to lift her up and love her unconditionally, to show her the way and light. And as he blew away the candle, he prayed hard that the wish will come true. Now he is in solitude and reflection, praying for the strength to cast upon the cold and rejected heart to turn back and embrace the warmth. But like a trampled rose, all beaten and alone, he has to bear the fall. The fall is painful but one thing comes into his mind, her, he knows its a fall he is willing to take for her. Nothing comes close when love conquer all the pain and hurt. Someday that love will shine brightly. =)
My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 拓海 Takumi (open sea).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
Open sea? probably thats why i got such a big heart to give and to love? and also a heart that is emotional and unstable? a heart that is clear and pristine like the open sea?
Monday, July 12, 2004
what about the world today, what is the place we call home? I have never felt so alone. If I can make one wish tonight, i wish upon the stars that somethings never change. But somethings just have to change, and somethings just don't. What is meant to be will be.
Serendipity...a fortunate accident. Gotta love it. Gotta hate it. When you have to wait years apart to find that someone you already met, so you can be with her. I would gladly exchange all for just one more lifetime with her.
All seems unreal, everything is out of place. Now i just feel like heading out to the beach. Scream it all out. Feel like heading off away from here. Leave the place. =/
Moonlight kiss...
I can feel my heart
And it's fit to burst
I try to clean it up
But I just get worse
Wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss
I thought I saw your face
In the evenin' sky
On a lonesome cloud
That was driftin' by
I wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss
You got someone else
Maybe it's for the best
Since I took the cure
For happiness
And I'd trade it all
On a night like this
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Ooh, yeah
Serendipity...a fortunate accident. Gotta love it. Gotta hate it. When you have to wait years apart to find that someone you already met, so you can be with her. I would gladly exchange all for just one more lifetime with her.
All seems unreal, everything is out of place. Now i just feel like heading out to the beach. Scream it all out. Feel like heading off away from here. Leave the place. =/
Moonlight kiss...
I can feel my heart
And it's fit to burst
I try to clean it up
But I just get worse
Wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss
I thought I saw your face
In the evenin' sky
On a lonesome cloud
That was driftin' by
I wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss
You got someone else
Maybe it's for the best
Since I took the cure
For happiness
And I'd trade it all
On a night like this
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Ooh, yeah
Sunday, July 11, 2004
My Beautiful Friend
By Guy Sebastian
A million hearts are hurting cause they love you
Close your eyes and feel their arms around you now
Baby just like me I'm sure they're thinking of you
But know somehow this will all work out
I sat up on the roof
And stare at the stars now
For a reason why or something I can do
Every thing that mattered yesterday so far now
Away from you
What you're going through.. baby
But just you hold on girl (you gotta get through this)
Yes you are, and try to be strong girl (you know you can do this)
Cause baby love will conquer all
And it won't be long before you'll be dancing in the rain again
My beautiful friend
My beautiful friend..
If you ever feel there's no strength left inside you
Just know I'm by your side and holding your hand tight
Sometimes the moon is all the light you need to guide you
Through the darkest night
Let me be the light.. yeah
But just you hold on (you gotta get through this)
Yes you are, yes you are, and try to be strong (you know you can do this)
Cause baby love will conquer all
And it won't be long before you'll be dancing in the rain again
The desert soon will turn to bloom
You'll start to feel a change in you
The sky will seem a deeper blue than it ever was before
A whole new world will open up as you stand face to face with love
And though I can't imagine how you'll be more beautiful than you are now
(You gotta get through this)
Don't you be afraid girl just hold on (you know you can do this)
The only thing I'm sure of is that love will conquer all
And it won't be long before you'll be dancing in the rain again
Won't you save me one dance with you then?
My beautiful friend
My beautiful friend
This song is dedicated to you "L". You know what i mean. For us to know for the rest of the world to find out. I love you. =) Love can conquer all.
This chapter may have closed for me. But i hope you will find your new chapter. My story has ended, yours has just begun. I know you want me to move on. But somethings are just so. i guess enough is enough, i'm shutting down the heart. I can help it...so help me...
By Guy Sebastian
A million hearts are hurting cause they love you
Close your eyes and feel their arms around you now
Baby just like me I'm sure they're thinking of you
But know somehow this will all work out
I sat up on the roof
And stare at the stars now
For a reason why or something I can do
Every thing that mattered yesterday so far now
Away from you
What you're going through.. baby
But just you hold on girl (you gotta get through this)
Yes you are, and try to be strong girl (you know you can do this)
Cause baby love will conquer all
And it won't be long before you'll be dancing in the rain again
My beautiful friend
My beautiful friend..
If you ever feel there's no strength left inside you
Just know I'm by your side and holding your hand tight
Sometimes the moon is all the light you need to guide you
Through the darkest night
Let me be the light.. yeah
But just you hold on (you gotta get through this)
Yes you are, yes you are, and try to be strong (you know you can do this)
Cause baby love will conquer all
And it won't be long before you'll be dancing in the rain again
The desert soon will turn to bloom
You'll start to feel a change in you
The sky will seem a deeper blue than it ever was before
A whole new world will open up as you stand face to face with love
And though I can't imagine how you'll be more beautiful than you are now
(You gotta get through this)
Don't you be afraid girl just hold on (you know you can do this)
The only thing I'm sure of is that love will conquer all
And it won't be long before you'll be dancing in the rain again
Won't you save me one dance with you then?
My beautiful friend
My beautiful friend
This song is dedicated to you "L". You know what i mean. For us to know for the rest of the world to find out. I love you. =) Love can conquer all.
This chapter may have closed for me. But i hope you will find your new chapter. My story has ended, yours has just begun. I know you want me to move on. But somethings are just so. i guess enough is enough, i'm shutting down the heart. I can help it...so help me...
How Did I Fall In Love With You
By Backstreet Boys...
Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone
Those days are gone, and I you want so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble
I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
[Bridge:]
Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall,
in love ,
with you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hardest thing to do is to love someone and yet not to be love as. But its also the greatest gift you can do. I tried my best. Its all I can do for now. Any more than that, I will be crumbling apart. I can only wait in vain for the someone I love most who will never come.
They say good men or women are hard to come by, I guess they all have died or taken, mostly dead I think. I live in a wrong era, should not have been now, should have been then. So I can be the ones writing history and not living through history.
Feeling happy and sad. Happy coz i have given my best shot. Sad coz my best shot is not enough. Bittersweet.
By Backstreet Boys...
Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone
Those days are gone, and I you want so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble
I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
[Bridge:]
Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall,
in love ,
with you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hardest thing to do is to love someone and yet not to be love as. But its also the greatest gift you can do. I tried my best. Its all I can do for now. Any more than that, I will be crumbling apart. I can only wait in vain for the someone I love most who will never come.
They say good men or women are hard to come by, I guess they all have died or taken, mostly dead I think. I live in a wrong era, should not have been now, should have been then. So I can be the ones writing history and not living through history.
Feeling happy and sad. Happy coz i have given my best shot. Sad coz my best shot is not enough. Bittersweet.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
The greatest Joy...............................Giving
The most powerful force in life..................Love
The greatest asset..............................Faith
The most endangered species.........Dedicated leaders
The most satisfying work...............Helping others
The most prized possession................Integrity
I live by this and try to make the best out of my everyday life.
=)
The most powerful force in life..................Love
The greatest asset..............................Faith
The most endangered species.........Dedicated leaders
The most satisfying work...............Helping others
The most prized possession................Integrity
I live by this and try to make the best out of my everyday life.
=)
off to a slow start in my new year. oh boy. what the heck right. dunno why but i feel left out and it seems that everyone thinks i'm doing fine.
~~~~~~~~
i just had a serious reflection. i dont think i'm cut out to be attached with someone. i'm probably one who will suffer in a relationship. probably the one giving most of the time til it drives me crazy. i think i shall stick to being a drifter. time and time again someone will snatch time from me to be with that person. i guess its probably in my life i have to go thru. rather than both suffer, i rather do it on my own. i'm sensitive and emotional. however i'm compose and rational.
i think i shall stop all my dreams and aspiration. shall concentrate on helping those who need help.
so the dreams i have is now over. from now is start from scratch, no more distraction. no more dating game or the rat race. i'm fed up and finding it tougher each time as i get played out.
patience? i have no more patience. i'm getting impatient. impatient in terms of my calibre. who in this world can compare my patience with me? no one in this forsaken world can. i'm getting dumped by my own plus point. its a fucked up world and i'm getting sick of it.
~~~~~~~
my birthday celebration maybe simple yesterday, but its the most wonderful i had in all my life. celebrated and ended with me close to tears. i had expected family and friends to remember but not even my closest friends could remember rather its those i'm not as close who remembered. i guess i'm after all not the center. i think i am just another one more person in the world. its like this.
~~~~~~~~
i just had a serious reflection. i dont think i'm cut out to be attached with someone. i'm probably one who will suffer in a relationship. probably the one giving most of the time til it drives me crazy. i think i shall stick to being a drifter. time and time again someone will snatch time from me to be with that person. i guess its probably in my life i have to go thru. rather than both suffer, i rather do it on my own. i'm sensitive and emotional. however i'm compose and rational.
i think i shall stop all my dreams and aspiration. shall concentrate on helping those who need help.
so the dreams i have is now over. from now is start from scratch, no more distraction. no more dating game or the rat race. i'm fed up and finding it tougher each time as i get played out.
patience? i have no more patience. i'm getting impatient. impatient in terms of my calibre. who in this world can compare my patience with me? no one in this forsaken world can. i'm getting dumped by my own plus point. its a fucked up world and i'm getting sick of it.
~~~~~~~
my birthday celebration maybe simple yesterday, but its the most wonderful i had in all my life. celebrated and ended with me close to tears. i had expected family and friends to remember but not even my closest friends could remember rather its those i'm not as close who remembered. i guess i'm after all not the center. i think i am just another one more person in the world. its like this.
Friday, July 09, 2004
this post came in after i had a simple yet fabulous dinner with yan chyuan and siew yan. *sob sob* tears of happiness... they celebrated birthday for me...somehow it feels weird yet wonderfully appreciated. tonite is being the most wonderful in many years. had my first birthday cake in years and its a yummy mud cake...hmmmm
somehow though its my birthday. but i think its no surprise that i should thank mum for giving birth to me...after all she did most of the hard work carrying me...kakaka no offence dad but all you did was...ahemmm i shall not disclose too much details there...haha
i think tonight i can sleep wonderfully and embrace a new year ahead for me. what future holds is a challenge i will not back down. =)
somehow though its my birthday. but i think its no surprise that i should thank mum for giving birth to me...after all she did most of the hard work carrying me...kakaka no offence dad but all you did was...ahemmm i shall not disclose too much details there...haha
i think tonight i can sleep wonderfully and embrace a new year ahead for me. what future holds is a challenge i will not back down. =)
supposedly the world witness the birth of someone significant. hmmm wonder who it is. Tom Hanks? or Richmond Tung? haha 9th of July. what meaning does it holds for me? i'm not too sure. i have missed celebrating my 21st birthday, never had a really decent birthday celebration in years. its like the birthday thingy is bringing a whole new meaning to me. its to say my days, months and years are numbered.
Let it be known from this insignificant day of our life, it shall give rise to the most significant individual the world will see. one day some how, lets see how man can this boy be. probably this man will still be a boy yah? hahaha but yupz lets see what the futures holds.
Thanx to all who remembered my birthday. Its been a lonely birthday every year. Lots of quiet time i suppose, should appreciate it.
Let it be known from this insignificant day of our life, it shall give rise to the most significant individual the world will see. one day some how, lets see how man can this boy be. probably this man will still be a boy yah? hahaha but yupz lets see what the futures holds.
Thanx to all who remembered my birthday. Its been a lonely birthday every year. Lots of quiet time i suppose, should appreciate it.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso, orion, fatso.
~~~~~~~~~~
sometimes do you ever wonder how birthdays and calenders are similar?
they both remind you that your days are numbered!!! and the best part of birthdays are that, for a day its nice to have the world revolve around you.
~~~~~~~~~~~
had a few days to reflect after my last reflection. somethings are hard to accept despite telling myself its going to be alright, the world is like this. but i guess sometimes reality hurts. not that i don't know. some people are torn apart from decisions and 2 conflicting interests. i guess this semester being my last will be worst than usual. i have a sneaky feeling that lots of crazy stuff will pop up and hit me in the face again. crapz...
~~~~~~~~~~
sometimes do you ever wonder how birthdays and calenders are similar?
they both remind you that your days are numbered!!! and the best part of birthdays are that, for a day its nice to have the world revolve around you.
~~~~~~~~~~~
had a few days to reflect after my last reflection. somethings are hard to accept despite telling myself its going to be alright, the world is like this. but i guess sometimes reality hurts. not that i don't know. some people are torn apart from decisions and 2 conflicting interests. i guess this semester being my last will be worst than usual. i have a sneaky feeling that lots of crazy stuff will pop up and hit me in the face again. crapz...
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
i have been keeping tabs on alot of things recently, UNHCR, Singapore Government succession, the polls in Indonesia, the situation in Iraq, monitoring the stocks exchange with an eagle eye and especially currency trading.
crazy you think? for me i don't think so. in fact i wish i could do more than that. keep an eye on technology advances, space and earthly explorations, politics, sports etc...
crazy you think? for me i don't think so. in fact i wish i could do more than that. keep an eye on technology advances, space and earthly explorations, politics, sports etc...
Monday, July 05, 2004
my world is filled with the promises of tomorrow. i can hear the wind call out the future. i can sense the happiness in the sun. the harmony of everything weave in one smooth motion.
sometimes it takes time to get used to the things you feel are not right. it takes longer or shorter time, really depends on your own perception. don't be held back too long. move on and strive for better things in life. i realise this too late. i miss the ride of my life. i wish i had done the things i should have done and not done the things i have done in regret.
i miss the past, but i look forward to the future. hopefully it will bring me better luck. history do repeat itself and i hope it won't happen again. so its better be the one writing history and go down in the books than to repeat what others have already done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm frustrated at this moment. bursting out in anger. i'm about to explode. i dunno what to do. i can only immerse myself in music to calm that soul down. i'm fed up. 11.21pm
sometimes it takes time to get used to the things you feel are not right. it takes longer or shorter time, really depends on your own perception. don't be held back too long. move on and strive for better things in life. i realise this too late. i miss the ride of my life. i wish i had done the things i should have done and not done the things i have done in regret.
i miss the past, but i look forward to the future. hopefully it will bring me better luck. history do repeat itself and i hope it won't happen again. so its better be the one writing history and go down in the books than to repeat what others have already done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm frustrated at this moment. bursting out in anger. i'm about to explode. i dunno what to do. i can only immerse myself in music to calm that soul down. i'm fed up. 11.21pm
Sunday, July 04, 2004
tsk tsk...
finally, i've done it, i know how to make "dao suan" a typically singaporean dessert. you gotta have those "you tiaos" and dip in them to have the full blown taste...oh yah dun forget the soya bean milk drink to go with it...yum yum
anyway, glad i made a phone call to pple i have been missing so badly. answers were alittle off the track but hey...i love them. its good to catch up with them anyway. i think i might call a few more pple...like my buddies to say hi in real time voice.lol
mood now: GUNBOUND kakakakaka
finally, i've done it, i know how to make "dao suan" a typically singaporean dessert. you gotta have those "you tiaos" and dip in them to have the full blown taste...oh yah dun forget the soya bean milk drink to go with it...yum yum
anyway, glad i made a phone call to pple i have been missing so badly. answers were alittle off the track but hey...i love them. its good to catch up with them anyway. i think i might call a few more pple...like my buddies to say hi in real time voice.lol
mood now: GUNBOUND kakakakaka
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Being Bored
ever feel so down coz you have nothing much you can do in a situation like mine? your friends are in the city, your friends are having a wonderful holiday exploring, your friends parents are here to visit, and you are stuck here unable to do anything. so you end up being a caretaker for everyone, go to the virtual world and just stare blindly into the small 14 inch screen, worst of all, hear all your friends tell you they enjoying their holiday doing the things they like.
as for me i just sit in quiet reflection on how am i going to survive the onslaught of reality, the coming of the new "life" for me. choices to be made, tough ones in fact. sometimes life does get the better of you. then you end up stranded and all alone. funny, fantastic, tough, challenging and lovely i would say. the world is crazy after all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
disclaimer:
there is now correlation between the above sentence and to what i'm going through. hmmm not too sure anyway. hahahaha
ever feel so down coz you have nothing much you can do in a situation like mine? your friends are in the city, your friends are having a wonderful holiday exploring, your friends parents are here to visit, and you are stuck here unable to do anything. so you end up being a caretaker for everyone, go to the virtual world and just stare blindly into the small 14 inch screen, worst of all, hear all your friends tell you they enjoying their holiday doing the things they like.
as for me i just sit in quiet reflection on how am i going to survive the onslaught of reality, the coming of the new "life" for me. choices to be made, tough ones in fact. sometimes life does get the better of you. then you end up stranded and all alone. funny, fantastic, tough, challenging and lovely i would say. the world is crazy after all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
disclaimer:
there is now correlation between the above sentence and to what i'm going through. hmmm not too sure anyway. hahahaha
Friday, July 02, 2004
how do you feel bout life right now?
fantastic, tough and challenging
do you know ur bestfriend's friendster password?
nopz
do you think long distance relationships work for u?
its how the individual perceive it, for me it will work and never fail.
are u an emotional person?
jiwang, very jiwang
if u had one last breath to say something to someone u love wat would u say?
I LOVE YOU
do you believe in best friends?
definitely!
ever felt jealous of ur fren?
sometimes
WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
boxers not undies
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU DID?
before this Q & A, i was showering
WHO IS RIGHT NEXT TO U?
fatso and orion (my boys)
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU ATE OUT WITH?
That would be Samson...somewhere along last thurs at McDs
HOW MANY BUDDIES DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR LIST?
depends on what kind of list you talking about
HOWS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
sunny, windy and chilly
LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?
deputy vice chancellor's personal assistant...aiks
LAST PERSON WHO TEXT YOU?
Samson
LAST PERSON YOU TEXT?
Samson
Lost a friendship over something stupid?:
ain't happening on my watch
Tongue-kissed someone?:
its a secret only my love one will know. (hey did i mention singular or plural :p )
Smoked?:
NEVER and I'm proud of it!
Been really depressed before?:
definitely
Faked being sick to miss school?:
Nopz...why should I?? I love being in sch
Last time you said 'I love you':
can't seem to remember...ooops
What time did you wake up today:
at 10am sharp
Current taste:
Fossil watches, Hugo & R. Lauren's clothing
WHATS YOUR RING TONE?
some forsaken tone that wakes the whole world up.
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
I took it off from Samson's website. but i think he did reference to the original person?
AGE?
turning 23 soon...in like 6 days, 23 hrs and 40 mins
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
brown shorts, boxers, and navy blue singlet...grrrrr...
WHO DO CONSIDER YOUR CLOSEST/BESTEST FRIEND?
MY PARENTS AND BROTHER...family come first you know...hahaha
ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK ANYONE OUT?
hmmmm nopz...but i be tactful though...sekali got bf wan how???
LUST OR LOVE?
can i have both???
KISSES OR HUGS?
definitely the HUGS....followed by the kisses...then we proceed on...ooops too much info...
WAT IS THE FIRST THING U NOTICE BOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Her eyes!
WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?
Why did i have to wake up so early?!>!?!>!?!?!@@#$#$##
HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LET THE PHONE RING BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT?
No hesitation, immediate answering protocol
Current longing
for a wonderful life journey and loads of money!!!!
Current desktop picture:
me, len and milka
fantastic, tough and challenging
do you know ur bestfriend's friendster password?
nopz
do you think long distance relationships work for u?
its how the individual perceive it, for me it will work and never fail.
are u an emotional person?
jiwang, very jiwang
if u had one last breath to say something to someone u love wat would u say?
I LOVE YOU
do you believe in best friends?
definitely!
ever felt jealous of ur fren?
sometimes
WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
boxers not undies
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU DID?
before this Q & A, i was showering
WHO IS RIGHT NEXT TO U?
fatso and orion (my boys)
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU ATE OUT WITH?
That would be Samson...somewhere along last thurs at McDs
HOW MANY BUDDIES DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR LIST?
depends on what kind of list you talking about
HOWS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
sunny, windy and chilly
LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?
deputy vice chancellor's personal assistant...aiks
LAST PERSON WHO TEXT YOU?
Samson
LAST PERSON YOU TEXT?
Samson
Lost a friendship over something stupid?:
ain't happening on my watch
Tongue-kissed someone?:
its a secret only my love one will know. (hey did i mention singular or plural :p )
Smoked?:
NEVER and I'm proud of it!
Been really depressed before?:
definitely
Faked being sick to miss school?:
Nopz...why should I?? I love being in sch
Last time you said 'I love you':
can't seem to remember...ooops
What time did you wake up today:
at 10am sharp
Current taste:
Fossil watches, Hugo & R. Lauren's clothing
WHATS YOUR RING TONE?
some forsaken tone that wakes the whole world up.
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
I took it off from Samson's website. but i think he did reference to the original person?
AGE?
turning 23 soon...in like 6 days, 23 hrs and 40 mins
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
brown shorts, boxers, and navy blue singlet...grrrrr...
WHO DO CONSIDER YOUR CLOSEST/BESTEST FRIEND?
MY PARENTS AND BROTHER...family come first you know...hahaha
ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK ANYONE OUT?
hmmmm nopz...but i be tactful though...sekali got bf wan how???
LUST OR LOVE?
can i have both???
KISSES OR HUGS?
definitely the HUGS....followed by the kisses...then we proceed on...ooops too much info...
WAT IS THE FIRST THING U NOTICE BOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Her eyes!
WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?
Why did i have to wake up so early?!>!?!>!?!?!@@#$#$##
HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LET THE PHONE RING BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT?
No hesitation, immediate answering protocol
Current longing
for a wonderful life journey and loads of money!!!!
Current desktop picture:
me, len and milka
Thursday, July 01, 2004
THREE NICKNAMES YOU GO BY:
ah boy- mum always call me that (and both my bro and myself answer hahaha)
richmond- my dad calls me that, frds call me that
richie- close frds call me that
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
i'm too nice and thats the way it is.
i'm a forward thinker and out of that box thinker.
i like myself...in fact love myself hehe
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
i'm too "nice" and often taken advantage by ppl.
i'm too poor financially...hmmm gotta get rich if not how to live up to my name??? hahaha
i'm lazy......no comments on that though
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. love
2. life
3. people
THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. being forced to do things
2. no one cares and appreciates
3. people
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. future
2. death
3. god
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. stay calm
2. be alert
3. enjoy the day
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BRANDS:
Adidas, Cadbury, Hugo Boss
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS (to date)
Melody- by David Tao (dun laugh zyan)
Ta He Ta De Gu Shi- by Elva (can't type that in chinese)
LIfe Goes On- by Leann Rimes
THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
Father, Mother and Brother...who else do you think???
THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
1. to gain weight and bulk...(always put it on, only to lose it)
2. help those less fortunate
3. be the person i wanna be...
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. surfing the net
2. checking out new stuff
3. spending time with family and friends (its a hobby too)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
family, "L", food and money....lol (there i go again making someone name bad)
THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. France
2. Italy
3. New Zealand
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. be with my love ones and close friends
2. eat all the good food i can gorge myself...(hmmm might end up dead happily whilst eating hahaha)
3. be onboard the flight that takes us to outer space...so i might reach for the stars? :)
Just had a reflection today. i realise its hard to stand up for what you believe in. but no matter how hard it is, somehow we still have faith in it.
"Great powers come great responsibility"
"Is there no one else?"
"I will fight for love, I will die for love"
"Somethings change, some don't"
Dun be mistaken by those sentences. i was just reflecting through it somehow. thought they somehow make sense yet they don't. It feels sucky to know yet dunno.
If I had 1 wish. I would wish that i could turn back time and start all over again. To spend the whole life searching for the answer i was searching for and to help those i have not been able to help.
Maybe I'm destined to be alone and live life giving and never to get. Its the giving that fulfils, its the loving that I grow and understand. The answer i will get, will only come when my time ends in this lifetime.
"Great powers come great responsibility"
"Is there no one else?"
"I will fight for love, I will die for love"
"Somethings change, some don't"
Dun be mistaken by those sentences. i was just reflecting through it somehow. thought they somehow make sense yet they don't. It feels sucky to know yet dunno.
If I had 1 wish. I would wish that i could turn back time and start all over again. To spend the whole life searching for the answer i was searching for and to help those i have not been able to help.
Maybe I'm destined to be alone and live life giving and never to get. Its the giving that fulfils, its the loving that I grow and understand. The answer i will get, will only come when my time ends in this lifetime.
woke up to a beautiful morning. had a dream last night. kinda nostalgic. sort of remembered the times when dad was here in gippy visiting and he bought loads of stuff for the whole house to eat. made dinner together with us in the house and had dinner together... crazy ah lun still got that funny face and wide gleeful smile that i suppose we all had too, as we tucked into the sumptuous meal. miss those times.
hmmm...anyway i still don't feel too well. going to grab a glass of warm milk and shower first. before heading off to uni for some stuff. thanks for your concern pple. but i think i won't die so easily. :) hmmm who knows, its better to go early than to live longer?
hmmm...anyway i still don't feel too well. going to grab a glass of warm milk and shower first. before heading off to uni for some stuff. thanks for your concern pple. but i think i won't die so easily. :) hmmm who knows, its better to go early than to live longer?
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