...already back for 1 n half weeks... nothing much i did...hanging out with my family and close friends. morale, confidence and health are at a all time low...... lost my job attachment due to certain reasons....now dunno wat to do.....read the tagboard recently too...thanx guys for encouraging me to move on...but really certain things just cannot change...i believe in somethings....the world may change, time may have passed but somethings are so cherished it does not just simply 'deletes' and go away...its been 3 months and counting...'she' may have moved on but i'm still feel exactly the same...when i go out to places in the city, the towns...every concrete, every corner of the street just calls out her name...so much memories...i see her on the streets ..every night i dream of 'her'...i have not been the praying kind but lately i have been down on my knees...all i can do now is to immerse myself in music....but what can it do?? all i know i never want to give up hope and faith...one day hopefully one fine day 'she' will understand ...i only want to be with her...no one will take that away...3 months now...3 years later... 30 years...300 years??? all i know is i hope 'she' comes back to my life...i refuse to give up...i refuse to give in...'she's' my everything.......all i have to is just be patient, hurting it maybe but i will never regret it...

"There's this love song
I wrote so long ago
For someone special
For someone dear to me

To tell her how much i miss her
To tell her how much i love her
And how much i wanted to stay by her side
How much i wanted is to hold her tight

But before i could do that
Before i could start
She left me heartbroken
She left me sunken
Now i'm down-trodden

She told me to move on
She wished me well
She told me i'll forget
The love we ever shared
But how can i move on

I never want to give up
I will never forget
The moments we shared
The love we had
The kisses so sweet
That made my heart beat

Time may have taken us apart
But I will always be there for her
She'll always be in my heart
She'll be in my dreams
Till the very end of my days."

saturday has been a slow day to my first wkend in singapore for a long time... had the opportunity to meet up with some of my cousins...really had fun hanging out with them though very short in time. but the moment of frustration is when i came back home to find out that 'she' is no longer in sync with me...really lost and down at the moment...trying to find my faith and courage to move on but i don't think i can break free from this world that we have created, there is no one else i want to be with.

had the time of my life eating eating n eating...muahahaha...all the local food...okies...hope to start work soon with my fav company....

its my 2nd day home from australia, time is slow moving...really enjoying every moment eating all the local delights...of course getting used to a new environment...alot of things did change over the past 9 months whilst i was away...now i just really wanna spend time with my family and not meet anyone else for the moment...but there are people i do wanna meet ASAP also...especially a certain someone special in my life...coming back here is time for me to chase my dreams, though it maybe almost close to impossible or i don't know how the future holds...but i will chase it relentlessly til i drop...

its 1046am...i'm here in my room...west house 49 room 1...sitting n waiting...waiting for the inevitable...the undeniable...the moment...where i get to leave this ulu place for a time being...going to miss all that is here and especially all the people who made it more special for me...no doubt many friendships have been forged and formed...many moments of priceless experiences...but i hope the most important thing i found whilst here is to grow up! hahaha......sheeesh...muahahaha....i guess the time here and all the reflections i make sums up most of my feelings and thoughts...friends i cherished most...

its already monday time really flies...tomorrow i will be leaving gippsland already and heading home...back to my family...as i look back on the time spent here...i realised that it has been an enriching moment in my life...certain things takes time to experience and this one whole year have been time really well spent...ups and downs are part and parcel of this journey...i had alot of setbacks alone this year...and they just keep coming...stress amounting to a limit and health have been poor...i know what is the best medicine i need...but that medicine won't be easy to get....i believe i can make it...but believing is so hard nowadays...low morale? low self-esteem? low in self-confidence?

this fateful morning...jaime, zyan and myself saw a flying cheescake....sheesh man...goodness...and the best thing is...i left my wallet at jaime's place...hahaha goodness...i was so afraid that i will lose my wallet...coz every other thing can be lost...only the wallet and the one thing in there is most precious to me...and has values worth more than money can buy.

today is another day gone...or yesterday....i had the privelage of sampling the finest dining experience i had in gippy...and its all thanx to SAMSON!!! its was some steaks you cooked up and it was super delicious...next time must cook for us again haha....but yupz really appreciated samson for cooking up a storm in our lives...hehe ...also had the chance to catch the third instalment of the Matrix....not bad at all...but the ending was alittle disappointing. wonder what happens to the world after that???

today is already thursday....1am....life is slow but moving steadily...as the time for me to return home is nearing...i will surely miss my life here in gippsland...or rather in churchill...and all the adventures i had...the highs and lows...the friendships forged...life has never been so enriching...i came here with high hopes only to return with unexpected results...and its quite frustrating...i miss a certain someone and have hopes to meet that person again eventhough its been a frustrating time for me. though time may pass and the environment have changed, but one thing is for sure, my feelings are still the same...life have gone downhill ever since...i'm no longer confident of myself...neither i'm sure of what to do in life now...i'm just lost without 'you' and every step i take now is one confusion after another. right now life is just a stand still....and its not going to get any better...

How can I leave everything I adore?
And everything I���m living for.

The only dream I ever had is being with you.
Let���s not leave ourselves with no way out
I know we can make it right
But it���s going to take a little time.

Remember that I made a vow
That I will never let you go
I meant it then I mean it now
And I want to tell you so

As I stand here today with the world as my witness,
I pledge to you my undying and everlasting love.
I will stand beside you as your partner,
I will stand before you as your protector,
And I will stand behind you as your solace.
Please spend your life with me.

As we grow older together,
As we continue to change with age,
There is one thing that will never change...
I will always keep falling in love with you.

now i am in south one....struggling to find a internet connection...but somehow i managed to find one haha....so now i am writing this...today had the funniest game of pool i had in a long time with sugandi...

just woke up from a deep sleep, before that i had thoughts on somethings which really frustrate me at times, but i think its nothing wrong to be angry over it. i'm just sad that why nobody actually thought of me when its my birthday? but when it is other people's birthday, ur friends will say 'hey must celebrate for him/her.","he/she is your friend wor." yah i know i do wanna celebrate for them their birthdays...but when reflected upon your own...its not a very good feeling. its as though you are invisible and that your birthday is not as good a birthday like others to celebrate or warrant a happy birthday regards. so i'm their friend to celebrate their birthdays, but am i not their friend to celebrate my birthday??? it seems i'm destined like what zyan said about my horoscope, that i will leave something behind for the world to see the changes i make, but will not be duly appreciated. its painful and sad, my recognition for my work is just plain superficial. i dunno why i'm bitching about this right now...but i feel a need to express how and what i felt when this kind of things happen. i guess life is just so unfair. i'm sure if others would to read this blog, they will say "goodness you're crazy for attention is it?", "wah lau wei dont think so much can anot?", or better still "siao isit this kind of idea also can think bout your friends?" harsh words??? i dunno, but i might think these might be some crazy answer i will get. i guess in life we do miss giving out appreciations to those who are low in profile but yet have done great things. we tend to forget those beside us all this while. we tend to forgo the chance to say 'thank you for all you have done" to those who truly deserve. the world has losts its edge in giving simple innocent appreciation. to me the world has turned into something drastically superficial and of cordial protocols.
-----------------------------

"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." (William James)

my feelings after my final paper is really like fireworks.....bursting with many emotions....happy, sad and excited....but all didnt go as well as i wanted...the last 2 papers i took was alot harder than expected so i'm not putting much hope in them...so i'm expecting quite bad results....haizzzz....but for now i sure take a breather...think through some stuff i have put aside for awhile...and maybe catch up with things i wanna do for so long...

life is so unfair....when people is resting in the night...others make so much noise, talk loud and they never think for others...but when you are awake in the morning and they're about to sleep they come out and ask you to quiet down...these people can only think for themselves...and they are the worse because it shows they never actually think before they really act...

Its the wee hours of an early monday morning...as I prepare to face my final paper for the year...i reflect back on what i have done so far...its been a roller-coaster year for me...and once the exams are over i'm going to be free from stress for the moment...

its sunday morning...i'm struggling to finish up my final assignment together with my revision for my final paper on monday...its been one long road for me...
"The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success." (David Sarnoff)

Just earlier in the day...we had 4 of us playing monopoly tycoon...its the most no. of people playing at the same time and it was really fun...however i think being the winner was not really fun at all...haha everyone in the game now wants to take revenge on me...i guess this really reflect life somehow...had fun playing with the guys and no doubt this is one of the craziest things i think we did ...(who would play computer games in the middle of exams week...and worst we are not even studying as much as we would love to) ok today is another new day and hopefully everything will go well for all of us....